Running Home by Chloe Sullivan - Short, Drama - A young women discovers her estranged father has passed away. She makes the long journey home for his funeral and realizes that that the hardest thing isn't leaving home- but coming home.  - pdf, format

You're using Celtix, aren't you?  .... Man, that's a shame cos' you write really well. I'd like to see some of your work on more polished software.  Anyways, thanks for using the original standard of hollywood and spacing after your Scene Headers... Writers don't do that anymore and it's annoying. It's a trick they use to get more into their screenplays in all honesty.

My biggest complaint is the fact you group too much into your action slugs. They shouldn't ever go more than 4 to 5 lines. Try to shoot for 4, but never no more than 5. More often than not you use 8 and sometimes even 9.  You can't expect people to read this like a book. It's a screenplay afterall.

You have a heart felt story here. It's written pretty damn good and the meaning behind it is definatley a subject that would hit home to many people.

- Don't go more than 4 lines.
- Don't be so on the nose with your dialogue.
- Stop using celtix as your writing software. I know it's free, but so is AIDS and Cancer.
- Do away with the continued at the tops and bottoms of each page. It's offensive.
- Aaron's dialogue is intense... Intensly long. Trim it up. Shorten it down a bit.

I can go on, but these are the biggest issues with the script that I had. I'm also wanting to convey to you that this screenplay, had it been written the right way... Would have easily been 50 pages long. You have a lot of content packed into the pages that need to be fleshed out and filltered down.  

With the extensions you'll no doubt have, why not go ahead and add to it? Make it a feature length movie.