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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Thriller Scripts  ›  Island of Fire Moderators: bert
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Don
Posted: July 3rd, 2009, 12:23pm Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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Island of Fire by Earl J. Mullen - Thriller - Island of Fire is a supernatural thriller that takes place in the Philippines, the Island of Siquijor, and Manila, SEPHERI’EL is a Female Angel from the Celestial order, who loses her memory after a conflict with DETINOS the evil demon god the Principality of the region.  87 pages - pdf, format


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Dreamscale
Posted: July 3rd, 2009, 1:40pm Report to Moderator
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Earl, you don't like using periods, do you?  Your sentences are nonstop run-ons.  Look at your synopsis...it's a perfect example.

In your actual script, I didn't see a single time that you used 2 sentences together, in a paragraph.  What I mean, is that you simply wrote 1 long, run-on sentence combined by incorrectly used commas, and called it a paragraph.

Sorry, but this alone is way too much of a problem for me to read any further than a few pages.

Maybe English isn't your native language?  I don't know, but I don't recall ever seeing so many run-on sentences in my life.  Give it another look  and clean this thing up.
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dogglebe
Posted: July 3rd, 2009, 1:49pm Report to Moderator
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I don't think that English is the first language in the Phillipines.


Phil
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Ledbetter
Posted: July 3rd, 2009, 1:58pm Report to Moderator
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Tagalog is the primary,

English-secondary

LED.....><
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Dreamscale
Posted: July 3rd, 2009, 2:20pm Report to Moderator
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Do they use actual sentences in Tagalog, or are run-ons the way to go?
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Ledbetter
Posted: July 3rd, 2009, 4:28pm Report to Moderator
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They use sentences. Much like in english.

I am not sure why the 70 commas per paragraph.

LED.....><
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