The Scorpion Killer by Erica Jennings - Drama - 6 years ago, Detective Max Tanner closed in on the serial killer Scorpio. To protect himself, Scorpio targeted Tanner & then disappeared. Now, journalist Katie Monroe is declaring war on Scorpio. Can Max protect her or will Scorpio finally prevail?  62 pages  - pdf, format

Hi Erica,

First off, scripts are written in "present tense," not "past tense."  Your scripts reads like a novel.  Not good.

Page#1

Max eyes slowly came open.  "past tense."

Max eyes come open.  "Present tenses."

Again

Everything was so blurry.

How about...

Everything is a blur.

His arm was sliced opened and he was bleeding out.  "Past Tense."

How about...

Blood seeps out from the large gash in his arm.

It's like this all through your script.

Your action lines, some as long as 9 lines.  Should be no more then four.  You need to break them up.  You have 62 pages.  You can easily get too atleast eighty pages if you do.

I skimmed over the rest, but still reads like a novel.

I'm sure you have a good story to tell, but alot of works needs to be done.

Good Luck,

Ghostwriter 22