Progression & Maturity by Christopher D. Bate - Short - Aaron is a jaded young man with a unbalanced soul and an ill-advised attitude. His commitment to his immaturity extends to those around him. Aaron is becoming less popular by the day…  36 pages - pdf, format

Hey Christopher, let me know if you are here participating in these forums and I'll give you some feedback. Otherwise I don't want to waste my time.

Cheers,
Tim.

There seems to have been a influx of scripts to SS that consist almost entirely of dialogue. This is another example of that. It is 36 pages long, and as far as I can see it is just a variety of two handed conversational scenes.

I am not quite sure what you are seeking to achieve with this - it fails completely to hold the interest, as the dialogue is not engaging or good enough.

The early use of direct to camera asides is just annoying - something like this needs to be used sparingly if it is to have effect, not every other line.

The characters don't have any particular individuality - in the opening scene (which is, frankly, all I could manage), Aaron and Rick could be interchangeable - they don't stand out as separate characters, and when you have this much dialogue that is essential.

It did strike me that you might be aiming for a sitcom style script - as they would have a lot of dialogue as well (and it would fit the script size more or less) - but if so it also fails in another regard - it's not very funny.

I dislike being negative - but don't have much option open in this case. I am sorry.