Ordinary by Peter Howard - Sci Fi/Fantasy, TV Pilot - A security guard longs from some excitement in his life and gets WAY more that he bargained for when he inadvertently opens to door way to Heaven and Hell. - pdf, format

p1 outline of the figure is lose, should be loose.  Also not sure if this is the best way to dscribe that.
onrnate golden goblet, mispelled ornate
clear vile, should be vial.
shining the light of the torch a head of himself, ahead should be one word
removes a container from within its rode, i think you meant robe
'lick red liquid?'
All these typos are making it a little hard to pay attention to the story.
the figure is way to fast, should be too, and thats kind of an awkward sentence.
A few times you switch verbage into 'ing' instead of present tense.  I do the same thing, but its better to keep it present.
Stuck to the mirror like a dart in a bored, should be dart on a board.
Not sure if it was your sentence structure or what, but alot of the sentences felt pretty awkward.

ie:Its a large creature that emerges. Its a large dark gray skinned dog of some sort, but no normal dog is like this creature. Its the size of a lion and hare large black claws on each of its powerful paws. The creature looks around the room with slow almost regal bearing.
This is a good example of whats wrong with your writing.  You repeat several words, your first sentence is mostly redundant.  The second sentence is just awkward.  Third sentence has a typo, the fourth is missing a comma.

I think if the creature is a goddess or whatever it should be introduced as a character.
all be it, should be albeit.

That's as far as I went, the typos and mispuncuations were a little heavy, couldn't really get into the story.  Could be a great story, but its going to be hard for anyone to take seriously as is.