SimplyScripts Discussion Board
Blog Home - Produced Movie Script Library - TV Scripts - Unproduced Scripts - Contact - Site Map
ScriptSearch
Welcome, Guest.
It is March 28th, 2024, 4:12am
Please login or register.
Was Portal Recent Posts Home Help Calendar Search Register Login
Please do read the guidelines that govern behavior on the discussion board. It will make for a much more pleasant experience for everyone. A word about SimplyScripts and Censorship


Produced Script Database (Updated!)
One Week Challenge - Who Wrote What and Writers' Choice.


Scripts studios are posting for award consideration

Short Script of the Day | Featured Script of the Month | Featured Short Scripts Available for Production
Submit Your Script

How do I get my film's link and banner here?
All screenplays on the simplyscripts.com and simplyscripts.net domain are copyrighted to their respective authors. All rights reserved. This screenplaymay not be used or reproduced for any purpose including educational purposes without the expressed written permission of the author.
Forum Login
Username: Create a new Account
Password:     Forgot Password

SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Short Scripts  ›  High Def Moderators: bert
Users Browsing Forum
No Members and 16 Guests

 Pages: 1
Recommend Print
  Author    High Def  (currently 1102 views)
Don
Posted: October 22nd, 2009, 6:52pm Report to Moderator
Administrator
Administrator


So, what are you writing?

Location
Virginia
Posts
16381
Posts Per Day
1.94
High Def by Tyler Jay - Short - The birth of a smile in a world of fear.  - pdf, format


Visit SimplyScripts.com for what is new on the site.

-------------
You will miss 100% of the shots you don't take.
- Wayne Gretzky
Logged Offline
Site Private Message
craig cooper-flintstone
Posted: October 27th, 2009, 6:46am Report to Moderator
New


'Ey up.

Location
Derbyshire, UK
Posts
253
Posts Per Day
0.05
Hi Tyler,

An extremely well thought out and almost Gilliam-esque nightmare vision of the future.

I can't fault the writing, nor the tone of the piece.

An excellent read, well done.

Craig


Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 1 - 5
NJDevil
Posted: October 29th, 2009, 12:36pm Report to Moderator
Guest User



I enjoyed this view of a very bleak (but interesting) world. There's definitely some good subtext there.

Pacing, formatting, etc. was right on the mark. Not sure I'd capitalize "He" or "She" in the action lines, but other than that I couldn't find anything wrong with it.

Well done!
Logged
e-mail Reply: 2 - 5
Tyler Jay
Posted: November 2nd, 2009, 8:51pm Report to Moderator
New


Posts
7
Posts Per Day
0.00
Thanks for the read/reviews. I'm glad someone got it.
Cheers.
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 3 - 5
jackx
Posted: November 3rd, 2009, 1:59pm Report to Moderator
New



Location
Tucson, AZ
Posts
245
Posts Per Day
0.05
Not sure I'd use the word 'subtext' on this one, but I enjoyed it.  I think you went a little too far with beating us over the head with your point with the dialogue from the Agents of Fear.  You were doing such a nice job showing us with all the fun imagery, then you lapse into telling us.  You could cut out about half the second half's dialogue and it would be perfect, imo.
I think it this was a more substantial piece you would want to show the other side of things, but as a quick little surreal short it works quite nicely.  Nicely done.


Mine:
HARD CASE
            (65 Pages) Stealing the case is just the beginning...

APU
            (80 pages) A city where superheroes are murderers and villains walk through walls...
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 4 - 5
Tyler Jay
Posted: November 4th, 2009, 10:51pm Report to Moderator
New


Posts
7
Posts Per Day
0.00
Thanks Jackx,

I'll go over the end dialogue again with a fine tooth comb and pick out all the kernels. I intend to submit this to a comp so your opinion(s) matter to me a great deal and I appreciate any and all advice I'm given.

Cheers,

TJ
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 5 - 5
 Pages: 1
Recommend Print

Locked Board Board Index    Short Scripts  [ previous | next ] Switch to:
Was Portal Recent Posts Home Help Calendar Search Register Login

Forum Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post polls
You may not post attachments
HTML is on
Blah Code is on
Smilies are on


Powered by E-Blah Platinum 9.71B © 2001-2006