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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Horror Scripts  ›  Chaucer's Pilgrimage of Blood Moderators: bert
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  Author    Chaucer's Pilgrimage of Blood  (currently 1380 views)
Posted: December 6th, 2009, 2:08pm Report to Moderator

So, what are you writing?

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Chaucer's Pilgrimage of Blood by James Ivan Greco - Horror - A golem is killing pilgrims and an eccentric monk must stop it and its master. 98 pages - pdf, format

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Posted: December 6th, 2009, 4:33pm Report to Moderator

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First thing I noticed after ten pages is the dialogue is not what it should be. Since you refer to the plague i assume this screenplay is set in olden times. Yet everyone speaks modern english. MERCHANTíS WIFE: You! Turn your slut ass around --youíre not welcome here. I don't think anyone in medieval times would say this. Should be "turn thy whorish bosom around and leave" or something along those lines. (im not very good at speaking it) Overall the writing is good and it reads nicely. You don't have to totally revamp your script just change it to attune to the language they spoke back then.
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c m hall
Posted: December 8th, 2009, 10:25am Report to Moderator
Been around a while

peninsula of Jersey
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Well done! This is exciting to read and could make a very good film.  
Please, rethink the Monk's long paragraphs of dialogue, it's enough that we know he's wordy and other-worldly, the lectures could be cut down, a little.

The plot unfolds at a good pace, I think, and using Chaucer's Tales as a (loose) structure works very well -- each of the tales is brief and useful to the story.

As far as the dialogue goes, it's a little peculiar to hear modern slang in ye olden towne, but the audience will adjust, probably easier than...then longen folkes to go on pilgramages, etc.


I suggest that it be very clear to the audience that the Physician, the Baker and the Miller couple die in extremely heroic ways.  I wonder if the Farmer could be allowed to survive his injury, he would make a nice addition to the walking wounded, at the end, I think.
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Posted: December 12th, 2009, 9:09am Report to Moderator

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thanks for the comments. you two officially double the number of people outside my immediate friends and family who have bothered to read the thing -- after two years of fruitless pitching. so, for that, i do thank you.  and that you dug it, bonus.

ya, the language thing. i figured people would deal. it's not a historical drama, ya know? worked for Xena. and I'm betting people back "then" didn't talk like we think they talked anyway.
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Posted: January 13th, 2010, 6:07am Report to Moderator

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If the story is good enough, using modern English in an olden setting can actually be pretty effective. Deadwood is a perfect example of that. Decided this will be my script for the night, I'll post my thoughts when I finish.
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