Lester by Ami McCuaig - Short, Horror - Lester is a little strange, he wants to succesfully grow the longest tapeworm in a human body. With no friends that's hard, guess that's what victums are for! 28 pages - doc, format

Ami...

First off, let me say, I don't know anything about your experience when it comes to writing screenplays, i.e. whether you took any classes, what books you've read on the matter, how long you've been writing ect...  But I've seen you name floating online here on occasion, so for that reason, I decided to take a look at this.  Having said all that...

Celtix website have a free download of script writing software.  I recommend it if you don't want to buy the real Mccoy software.  There maybe a few other sites that have free software you can download.  It's not great but it will work.

When you do your re-writes, I'd go back through and UNCAP everything in your action dialogue with the exception of when you introduce your characters for the first time.  Reason being, you have things in CAPS that really doesn't need to be.  Unless it's important or something you would like to emphasize, don't do it.  Examples, HOLDS, SMIRKS, SITS BACK are not exciting and don't need to be capped.  A good example in your script is when...  Lester SMASHES his fist on the table.  Okay, but work on telling your story.

Unless you planning on filming this yourself, I'd leave things like SPFX to spec scripts or the directors.  I'd get rid of all those.  I know what your saying and trying to do but at this stage, there's really no need too.

LESTER'S POV:  This is a camera angle, try to avoid things like this.  Just tell us what he sees in the next line.  Can you do it the way you have it, of course but if your going to be consistant throughout your script.  Example at the very end of your first action line, you have this passage...

Lester stares at the open book in front of him.  (perfect)  You really don't need that lester's POV in your very next line because from your previous one, you've established the fact he's looking at the book.  Just go on to describe what he sees.  Well, it's what I would do.  But I'm not you and this isn't my script.

Your sluglines, more of this ... INT.  GARAGE - EVENING and not the way you have them done in your script.  Remember spacing.

BTS .. I think your telling us BACK TO SCENE correct.  Personally, I'd just write it the way it is... BACK TO SCENE.  

Your (wryly), i believe it's page 2, during Lester's dialogue, (with a dopey look on his face).  I'd just make that an action line, if it's more then three words your trying to fit in there.  Use them in moderation too.  Read a few screenwriting books to learn how best to use them.

Rule of thumb, try to keep your action lines to four lines or less.  Your going to have to split most of yours up.   But this is wordpad and I could be wrong.  If you were to re-do this using script software, things maybe different.  Remember, some passage verbiage is okay but try to stay in present tense.

Your writing isn't bad.  It needs alittle work but so can all of ours. Your story is interesting but to be honest, it's 28 pages, wordpad and some of the issues I outlined earlier is why this hasn't garnished much attention.  Not too mention, most here probably don't know you.  

Hang around more often, read a few scripts here, then take a look at the comments.  Will help a whole lot.  Having said all that, if you take anything away from this, then let it be, get the free software.

Good Luck

Ghostwriter

Thank you for all your advice...now that I look it over, wow I had too many CAPS!! Yikes! Thank you for reading it. No, I didn't go to school for writing-just started writing scripts 2 years ago. I totally wrote Lester because I was going to shoot it, so you are right, I wrote writing in direction and such, when I shouldn't have. I have a ton of shorts and I'm still planning on making 3 or 4 of them, then putting them all together as a feature film. Kind of like "Tales from the Darkside" or something. So, the characters really don't have time to grow on you. I just wanted one gory one, one suspense horror and one thriller horror. I still think it would be fun to film, but I, like most, don't have the funds to do so. However, I like my story, but I should have triple checked it for sure!! I'm correcting it right now thanks to your help. Oh-it's funny that Lester came in 3rd in the writer's digest 78th annual script competition! er...now I know what I have to do...