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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Discussion of...     General Chat  ›  Squirt! Online. Moderators: bert
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  Author    Squirt! Online.  (currently 3563 views)
Higgonaitor
Posted: January 15th, 2010, 6:39pm Report to Moderator
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First off, I know the title of this thread is a goldmine for dirty jokes.  So get them out of your system (Mike).

More importantly, the gigantic time-consuming monster known as "Squirt!", that has ripped me away from my life, is finally complete, and starts airing tonight.

Anyway, here goes Squirt! Episode 101: Too Much Citrus.

Don't judge me too harshly. It might kill me.

So just, well, enjoy:



Next weeks episode will be posted...next week.


NEW!Everquenching Lemonade:Thirsty for a comedy short?
And the Rest!

Watch Squirt! (My web-series!)
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chism
Posted: January 15th, 2010, 7:09pm Report to Moderator
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I have no idea what this was supposed to be about, but it sure made me laugh. I especially loved "You're a suspicious fruit."

The acting was not too shabby, it was nicely written and filmed. Well done!
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Higgonaitor
Posted: January 15th, 2010, 7:14pm Report to Moderator
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Thanks Chism,
It's relieving to hear that you laughed at it.  I've been so close to this for so long that it's not really funny to me anymore, and it's good to know it's not that way with everyone.

And as for having no idea what it's supposed to be about...as long as you followed what was happening, I think it will clear itself up if you keep watching the episodes as they're released.  

Thanks for the view and the feedback.

-Tyler


NEW!Everquenching Lemonade:Thirsty for a comedy short?
And the Rest!

Watch Squirt! (My web-series!)
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Heretic
Posted: January 21st, 2010, 1:43am Report to Moderator
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As I go:

-The wipe at :21 interacts with the letterbox matte.  This is a little disconcerting.  (Upon watching further, I guess all the wipes do.  It's always disconcerting).

-That cut at 1:44 is obvious enough that I think it would be less distracting to go with a cross-dissolve or another obvious transition -- it kinda comes off as a clumsy attempt to hide a cut for effects reasons, which of course it isn't.

-At 2:11, right before you cut to the title animation, it looks like young actor extraordinaire Tyler Higgins might break character a bit with his smile.  I might be wrong, of course...that's just what I thought the first time viewing.  I'd get rid of a couple seconds here if you could.

-3:35 -- the coverage here breaks the line (Dan looks left in the previous shot, right in this new one).

-The performances are really enjoyable in this!

-4:58 -- Line cross again.

Thoughts:

Aside from the technical issues that I mentioned above, you have yourself a reasonably tight package here.  The scenes were well covered, the editing was for the most part seamless, and the sound was clean and high quality.  In today's world where good equipment is incredibly cheap, looking professional is important and you have certainly succeeded there.  The one exception I would note would be the wipes -- aside from the problem mentioned above, they just look like overly flashy stock wipes, and are distracting.  Then again, they fit into the water motif.

I really liked the characters.  I thought the performances were strong, and you especially did a great job, Higgs.  A very funny situation your character is put in and you pulled off his reactions to it nicely.  All three characters, however, were quite clearly established with some depth.

Although the story took a while to get going, I thought that it was a fun, enjoyable view overall.  

Shoot I've gotta run all of a sudden but I have more to say!  I'll add it when I can.


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Higgonaitor
Posted: January 22nd, 2010, 12:35am Report to Moderator
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Hey Heretic, Thanks for the review.

I'm a little new to filming, and am not quite sure what you mean about breaking the line.  I remember my film professor briefly going over something that may be what you're talking about, something like cutting from one side of two characters to the other creating an awkward visual?  Is that what you mean?

I was worried about the "ripple" cuts looking amatureish, but thought I'd try them for the sort of water theme, as you guessed.  I think if I use them sparingly, they'll be more acceptable than they were in this first episode.

Unfortunately, as of right now, I only have iMovie, and there's no way for me to keep the swipes from crossing over into the letterbox.  My budget for Squirt, which was this summers project, went to buying the new video camera mostly, and I'm saving up to get Final Cut, as well as a boom and some lighting equipment.

I'm glad you thought it looked professional (for the most part), I tried pretty hard, but unfortunately some scenes were pretty rushed, so there's going to be some variation in the quality of professionalism throughout the series.

One thing I can say, however, is that I am very proud of all the actors who did very well in just about every scene.  So there's that to look forward to.

And thanks for the compliments on my acting.  As with most people, I'mpretty critical of myself when I see me on screen, and it's nice to be reassured.

Thanks again, and I'm looking forward to hearing whatver else you have to say,
Tyler

P.S. New episode out later today...


NEW!Everquenching Lemonade:Thirsty for a comedy short?
And the Rest!

Watch Squirt! (My web-series!)
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Old Time Wesley
Posted: January 22nd, 2010, 4:45am Report to Moderator
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I'd compare this in quality to another SS member made web series called TWAT G or The Willie and The Grace but the short form is funny.

My main problem with these are usually acting because no budget films can't get half decent acting which i have never believed and thankfully this one breaks the trend.

I think I mentioned in my review of the actual script that we needed more of an introduction to the characters and the world and somehow I didn't think that while watching.

Overall a good opening.


Practice safe lunch: Use a condiment.
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Higgonaitor
Posted: January 22nd, 2010, 1:26pm Report to Moderator
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Thanks Wes,
Most of my actors in this were either involved in the dram dept. of my Highschool, or did Improv, like me, so I'm glad you liked the acting.

Here's Episode two, "Focus and Fashion":


NEW!Everquenching Lemonade:Thirsty for a comedy short?
And the Rest!

Watch Squirt! (My web-series!)
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Heretic
Posted: January 22nd, 2010, 4:16pm Report to Moderator
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Hey Higgs,

Preserving the line is pretty simple.  Basically, take your two characters and imagine a line drawn through them.  Always keep your camera on the same side of this line.  That's it.  This will mean that the characters always look the same direction, which allows the audience to be grounded in terms of their perspective.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/180_degree_rule

Although the concept itself is simple, this can get really complicated, especially with more than two people in a scene.  However, it is one of those cardinal rules of filmmaking which if broken will instantly alert "film people" to an amateur production, and, perhaps more importantly, will confuse the audience.


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chism
Posted: January 22nd, 2010, 8:56pm Report to Moderator
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This was a pretty good second installment, but I thought Daniel kind of went along with the whole superhero idea a little too easily. Shouldn't someone mention to Rufus that the idea of Daniel being a superhero is totally insane? All he can do is shoot a mild stream of water out of his finger, since when does that qualify as a superpower? Maybe if it shot outta there with the force of a fire hose, that might be something, but as it stands I don't think he'd make a good superhero and I really feel like there needs to be a character who is the voice of the audience, to point out ridiculous the whole idea is. Maybe you're going to do something with that in future episodes, but as it stands it just kinda bugged me.

Having said that, I thought this was also a lot funnier than the first one. I liked the little touches of Daniel drinking from his finger squirt and the whole run of what his superhero name could be was amusing. I'll be interested to see where you take the reporter character as well, and where the whole story goes in general. I hope episode three isn't too far away.
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Higgonaitor
Posted: January 25th, 2010, 2:52pm Report to Moderator
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Thanks for the link Chris.  I  definitely broke that rule a few times while shooting, but I may be able to edit it so that it doesn't show up in the final cuts for future episodes.

Matt,
Thanks for watching.  It's a little late for me to add or change lines, but thanks for the feedback anyaway.  All I can say is that it's supposed to be a bit humorous, how Dan's super-power isn't really that "super", and yet he's still going to try to be a super-hero.  

Hope you both stay tuned.


NEW!Everquenching Lemonade:Thirsty for a comedy short?
And the Rest!

Watch Squirt! (My web-series!)
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Higgonaitor
Posted: January 29th, 2010, 12:42pm Report to Moderator
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Aaaaaaaaand here's episode three:



It gets a little hard to hear at some points.  This episode is mostly improvisation, as there was supposed to be a third judge (rufus' little sister) but when we were filming this scene the actress was in Wisconsin.  I think it turned out to be a pretty funny episode though.  Looking forward to hearing any thoughts.


NEW!Everquenching Lemonade:Thirsty for a comedy short?
And the Rest!

Watch Squirt! (My web-series!)
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Angry Bear
Posted: January 29th, 2010, 3:05pm Report to Moderator
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That was pretty good you guys. I only wish you had done some close ups of all the characters so we could feel a little closer to them.

Their dilemma that no one shows up is how I feel trying to get people to be panelists on Simply Radio!  


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chism
Posted: January 30th, 2010, 3:00am Report to Moderator
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Good stuff, Tyler. I think some of the jokes would've landed better if you'd have gotten some coverage but that's a minor quibble.

But this was definitely the best episode so far. Looking forward to the fourth. How many are there going to be, by the way?
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Higgonaitor
Posted: January 31st, 2010, 2:04pm Report to Moderator
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Thanks for the views guys, I'm glad you liked it.

There will be 10 episodes, but the fourth isn't coming out till March, at which point it will air weekly again until the finale.  


NEW!Everquenching Lemonade:Thirsty for a comedy short?
And the Rest!

Watch Squirt! (My web-series!)
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Higgonaitor
Posted: March 5th, 2010, 8:36pm Report to Moderator
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EPISODE FOUR!

"Over"



NEW!Everquenching Lemonade:Thirsty for a comedy short?
And the Rest!

Watch Squirt! (My web-series!)
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