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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Short Scripts  ›  Dr. Mogato Moderators: bert
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  Author    Dr. Mogato  (currently 1035 views)
Don
Posted: February 2nd, 2010, 7:31pm Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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Dr. Mogato by Steve Nazarian - Short, Comedy - The first episode in a series of TV interviews where an adventurer tells stories of his ridiculous adventures. 9 pages - pdf, format


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screenrider
Posted: February 2nd, 2010, 9:03pm Report to Moderator
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Okay...

This is by far one of the strangest scripts I've ever read on SS.  The writing is tight, the humor is intelligently written.  I've got nothing else to say about it other than I'd really like to see it get filmed.  Funny, bizarre stuff.  Good job.  
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Craiger6
Posted: February 3rd, 2010, 12:08pm Report to Moderator
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Hey Steve,

Ha - very strage, but enjoyable none the less.  Like Screenrider said, I thought it was very nicely written.

I think you should consider adding a bit to the story.  Maybe another installment in which we are actually out on an adventure with Doug.  I think that would work nicely.

One thing - top p. 9 - looks like you are missing Doug's dialouge heading.

Anyway, I enjoyed it.  Good luck.

Craig


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stevenaz226
Posted: February 13th, 2010, 12:39am Report to Moderator
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Thanks for reading guys!

This was something I wrote to film with a friend and put up on YouTube that I haven't got around to yet. The goal was a comedy skit series that could be shot with one camera on one set. So actually going on an adventure and seeing what happens is sort of the opposite of what I was thinking of... but it would be cool to see snippets of the adventures, especially when what Doug says doesn't match up what with actually happened.

I'm glad it gave you a laugh and appreciate the feedback

steve


Read 'em and weep:

Australian Nature Guy 8 pgs
Dr. Mogato 9 pgs
Elevator, The 15 pgs
Extra Innings 8 pgs
Spelling Bee, The 7 pgs
Trapped 10 pgs
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jackx
Posted: February 24th, 2010, 9:02pm Report to Moderator
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Fracking Hilarious!

That was a well spent 9 pages, I laughed many times.  Good shite!
Very few suggestions that I could come up with:  First I think you could add a few lines before he gets interupted in the beginning.  Just maybe start the storyu a little earlier, a little more in depth.  Just to kind of lull the reader into thinking its just an odd adventure story before it goes off the deep end.
Also, going with this same idea, a few times in the middle we kind of get muddled and drawn away from the central story.  The diversions are funny, but there needs to be some kind of maintained forward momentum, if you get my meaning.
Lastly, I think the ending is to abrupt, keeping with it being a television show, and you open with the title card, I think there would need to be a signing off of some nature.  "Well that's all we have time for..."  Or even just "We'll be back after these messages from our sponsors..."  As it is it feels like we're cutting off in the middle of dialogue, even if it is a funny bit.

That's about all, but I definately enjoyed it, nice adult swim feel, without having to actually be stoned to laugh at it.
From your name, I'm guessing you're from Arizona?


Mine:
HARD CASE
            (65 Pages) Stealing the case is just the beginning...

APU
            (80 pages) A city where superheroes are murderers and villains walk through walls...
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