Happiness by Kiril Maksimoski - Short, Drama - A homeless man discoveres his meaning of true happiness. 8 pages - pdf, format

Kirii, please don't take this the wrong way, but this script is basically unreadable. I have a feeling that you are new to scriptwriting, which is fine, but you need to learn how to format scripts.

"We" should not be in any of the action lines. Why? Because "We" are not doing anything. This is supposed to be present tense. For example you have - "We can see a BUM." That should be changed to - "A bum sits against a wall" or something similar.

Another thing is you keep telling, but we need it to be showed. You can't say that the homeless man is sad, happy, or etc.... You have to put emotions into the character, not onto.

CUT TO: should be on the right side, not the very left.

There are much more problems as I am reading further. Don't feel bad that the script was written wrong. My first time posting a script, I had the same problem. Just look at some scripts on SS and re-post this one. I am sure that it can be better written.

Hi Kiril,

From your address and writing, I have to assume English is not your first language. You appear to have made a huge effort to write this in English and for that you should be applauded. However, it also means it makes it very difficult to offer a constructive review, because much of what you have written doesn't make sense.

I would say you have some quite vivid images you are trying to paint. There's a moral in your story, but I found it difficult to extract it. I'm also missing the point of the 'Bum' walking happily naked in the woods due to seeing the picture. Unfortunately, I'm not sure if that's because of the poorly formed sentences, or that the story is simply incomprehensible.

Apologies if this sounds negative. I try hard to provide constructive criticism, but in your case I have found that nearly impossible because of your level of English.

Thornton