Sisyphus Imagined by Anthony Russo (ajrscreenworks) - Short, Fantasy - A re-telling of the myth of Sisyphus, who does battle with Zeus and Hades. - pdf, format

Well, here is somebody trying something a little different.  Really different.

It's heady, philosophical, scholarly stuff.  Imaginative.  And nice how the title can be taken in two ways.  And nice how it ends so fittingly.

Lord, it even fits the challenge to a T.

But is it too different?

I so want to encourage this author for taking a brave stab at a story such as this.  You have done well, for what is likely to be a small, niche audience.

This story would likely make a nice change of tone somewhere in the middle of Cornetto's efforts -- but I fear this may well prove unfilmable -- and it may not even be that popular when all is said and done...

We'll see.  But nice job from me.  I give it an A, for what it's worth.  

Well, this is well written, I'll give you that.

Major problems exist here, though.  So much of this is dialogue, and much of it is from characters who never appear onscreen (Zeus and Hera).

I'm not sure if this is an actual Greek myth or one that you have made up.

I don't think it really fits the challenge, but then again, maybe it does.  Not sure.

It didn't work for me, though, and I found myself glancing over most of the dialogue, as it just wasn't entertaining.

Good effort though! It will be interesting to see what others have to say about it.

If, like me, you find yourself googling different names to get a better understanding of each character, don't. The story explains each one, giving as much info as is necessary.

Still, for me, it wasn't an engaging read. This, though, says more about me than it does the script.

The payoff, though -- the ending, is well worth the read. Excellent!

SPOILER

The idea, if I understand it correctly, that the Gods too have a difficult existence, is compelling. I loved the ending!

I wonder, though, if the story would be better served if it was set in a more modern context? It might be more approachable.

In any case, I doubt any of the scripts I read will be as thought provoking.

Excellent!  

Not exactly an easy read, but, here we go...

How does a faceless man wail when he has no mouth? (Thinking of Godsmack IV CD cover)

Some brutal stuff, but a good depiction of a classic Hellscape (shades of Bosch, perhaps)

So far I've been complaining about punctuation: case in point- Sisyphus, given the challenge of eternal work, turns to rage against the gods by saying.

Curse you, o Zeus and Hades. You
who take great pleasure in the
suffering of mortals and demi-gods
alike.

People get more fired up if the barista doesn't get thier latte right. I said MOCHA, DAMN IT!! DAMN YOU ALL! DAMN YOU ALL TO HELL!!  

I can understand that he may be stating this factually, but you need some punch in the first line to drive in some passion...

It was I who was punished because I
believe that no man should taste
death.

If he was punished (past tense) then it would also be believed (also past tense).

To take this approach, it's important to maximize the impact of the dialogue for the actors. Give them some good stuff to say, to maximize drama with both bombast and subtle inflection of phrase...

Not the stuff of mere mortals, this one...Obviously top shelf level stuff.  I do suggest tightening up some of the dialogue...Zeus knows he's talking to Sisyphus, and repeating his name gets a little overdone. Less is still more, even in grand style.

The term hubris is used several times, suggest swapping that out.

A bit more challenging to read than the norm, I hope that everyone will take the opportunity to read this exemplary piece.

This was certainly an interesting take on the challenge.

Crisp writing, though it was harder to read with the context of the language.  It's well written and you obviously wanted to do something a little different, but for this particular challenge it might be a little too out there.  I don't know, a 10 page story about Greek gods thrown in with murderers, rapists, suicide, and sodomizers.  I do commend your unique choice and the writing is pretty good, but I'm not sure if this is a total hit or miss with the challenge.  But hey, good job!

Greg

I don't know if it's because I liked Greek mythology as a kid, or because I really got pulled in to Sisyphus's plight with the boulders,  but this was a great story.  Excellent writing.  Turning it into a Machinama would be pretty cool, if its possible.  Kudos to the Author for going out on a limb and doing something out of the norm.

Interesting material and an interesting look at the myth of Sisyphus.

You play on the ideas that Albert Camus commented on in his famous essay about the subject:

The absurdity of human life and the possibility that Sisyphus is actually happy as the work is the gratification, not the goal, just as in life.

Somewhat talky for my tastes, particularly as it's written in an Olde Worlde vernacular. It started to wear on me after a little while.

Interesting though.

I thought this one was very well written and certainly a different take on the challenge. I didn't really have any problems getting through it and I thought it flowed nicely.

I am only familiar with the basic story of Sisyphus, that he was condemned to push the boulder up the hill for all eternity. I was not sure why he was punished or if there was ever any resolution. So I am not sure if you have taken any creative liberties here and added your own take to the myth or are sticking to the facts. Specifically, the ending with him rolling the boulder onto Merope...is that part of the myth? I got the impression you might have added that yourself, which I think works well as a sort of poetically tragic conclusion. Although if this was shown on screen, we wouldn't actually know that it was Merope. I thought the final line of the script by Hades was perfect.

Overall it appears you have spent a bit of time on this, and it shows in the quality of the work. Good job.

Cheers,
Tim.

I can appreciate the effort here. I really liked the very beginning. I could visualize it perfectly. Then the dialogue started and I was less interested. It was too much of it and grew tired of it. It was a slowish read for me. Don't let that bring you down though. I'm very uneducated so if it wasn't a real hit with me, but got an A in bert's book then listen to bert and be proud of this one.  

This was a tough read for me. The dialogue was a little on the nose. I thought the story itselff was great, although i did sniff out the twist early.

Very clean writing, Some interesting quotes in the dialogue. Just too much of it for me. I'll give you props for taking people like me, Who know nothing of greek mythology, and writing a good story that kept me interested.

I fear this may be too much to be made into machinama though. Good luck, quality work.

James

Very creative, maybe too creative. I'm sure the writer has a very clear vision in her head in regards to the action and story, but they are lost on me.

Basically, I didn't understand what's going on. There are too much talking back and forth with Zeus and Hades, and they are V.O. for the entire time! Not too visual there. The only visual is Sisyphus with a boulder.

Nice try.

Interesting tale.  Not sure if there's an original of which this may have been derived from but I found this was okay.

Not sure if this met the challenge but was different.

I didn't have a problem with the V.O. dialogue.

Good luck in the OWC.

Yeah, have to agree with Jeff; i skipped over large chunks of the dialogue. I ain't really the classics/Shakespearan type.

But it was beautifully written and flowed like a stream through Olympus itself.
It didn't really meet the challenge but was a nice change.

This one was difficult to read. It plodded on with self-referential dialogue that felt like it belonged in a play. I could actually visualize the over-acting chops of stage actors speaking the lines. It was downright pretentious in a lot of places. I know it was done this way to squeeze in all the exposition you needed for this story of Sisyphus to make sense so that the ending would make sense, but it was too much plot for 9 pages. It was more like a short story or Wikipedia entry about him than it is a short dramatizing the tale.

The ending, of course, is right in line with the way the Greek myths tend to go, and it provides a beautiful twist to the story, but getting there is such a chore that I suspect a lot of people won't reach the goal of the story. What you need to work on is spreading the dialogue into actions or conversation so that the audience isn't watching a guy tell another guy everything both of them already know. In fact, page one was all monologue.

I do applaud you for grabbing a little known mythological figure and bringing him out, but it needs work to make it more accessible for a movie audience. FYI, everyone, Sisyphus is an actual Greek figure and even has a word attributed to him: sisyphean, which means endless and unavailing, such as a labor or task. So this is an adaptation.