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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Short Scripts  ›  Compromise Moderators: bert
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Don
Posted: March 9th, 2010, 8:40pm Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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Compromise by Matthew Gill Clark (Maclark) - Short, Drama, Action - A man is brought into interrogation to find out if there is a plot against The White House. Is the man being interrogated the one who is committing the crime or is it someone else? 10 pages - pdf, format


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jwent6688
Posted: March 9th, 2010, 11:13pm Report to Moderator
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Wherever I go, there Jwent.

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Thia was not good at all IMO. Hoping this was one of your first attempts.

Don't get why you capitalized HE all the time. Capitalize something you want the camera to look at every now and again but not the characters.

I sure hope secret service or feds(police would not handle this matter btw) isn't as stupid as this guy was. He even had to ask the Roy where he lived? Ridiculous. They would know that.

Whitehouse blueprints? That's why he got picked up? Like most people could read a set anyways to turn them in. I'd probably look at them and say "Good luck building that huge ass house".

Then the suspect calls immediately, without even leaving the whatever room (Because you have no opening slug to tell us where we're at)--- Yes, slugs are important, and says openly the prez will be dead shortly.

Done with this. Read more screenplays, learn the format better. If you respond, I'll try to offer kinder advice.


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Dimitris
Posted: March 10th, 2010, 4:44am Report to Moderator
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Many problems with this......

You should introduce your characters with a proper way inside the flow of your script . The same with your setting. Dont use this cont'd all the time , we can understand that he continue to speak , dont forget that this is a spec script not a shooting.

In his hand, HE carries a briefcase. Why you capitalize <<he>>? Also dont capitalize your characters name all the time , only the first time they appear.

You have also big blocks of action try to cut them down.

Finally you also have many pages with only dialogue no action made. Try to give something to your characters to do.........

Thats all. Try to rewrite it. Good luck.
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