Nice Little Earner, A by Simon Colligan (SiColl007) - Short, Drug, Crime - A small time drug deal goes wrong... or does it? 12 pages - pdf, format

Too the writer...

I definitly don't recognize you name... and I ghost a lot around here.  There's several great screenwriting books.  One that comes to mind, Denny Martin Flinn, "How not to write a screenplay."

A whole host of others too.  Please read them.  Matter of fact, read some scripts then compare them to this.

Good Luck

Ghostwriter

Do you mean that there is something wrong with the format, the ideas, or the characters. Thanks for reading anyway - I've googled the book, an dwill look into getting myself a copy - I have been reading other scripts that I've found on the internet. This was the first script I ever wrote. (Maybe I should give up and never write again... lol).

Do you mean that there is something wrong with the format, the ideas, or the characters. Your formatting is off.

Thanks for reading anyway - I've googled the book, an dwill look into getting myself a copy - I have been reading other scripts that I've found on the internet.  You've read those scripts.  Did you compare them to yours?  Should see a big difference.

This was the first script I ever wrote. Understandable.

(Maybe I should give up and never write again... lol). No, I wouldn't recommend anyone quit.  But you need to know the basics...or you'll never get your foot in the door.

Ghostwriter

1.  You can put a title to your screenplay on the top of page (1) but it isn't necessarily necessary.  It's essentially a waste of space.

2.  You don't put a synopsis of your script in your script.  What is this, a term paper?

3.  You put "Scene 1 and so forth and so on" instead of the proper INT/EXT. LOCATION - TIME OF DAY.  Again, poorly constructed.

4.  Your margins are off by a good inch.

5.  Even tho parentheses should be kept to a minimum you still don't even use them. You use these [ ]  What is that?
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I want to comment on your story so bad but I feel that this is a bigger issue.  Everyone has a story to tell.  Maybe not all of them are brilliant but everyone has something to say.  Your problem is you don't know how to structure it into something readable.

besides the fact that your formattings is entirely off, i wanted to touch base on your dialogue. your characters ramble way too much...and sometimes they repeat things which theyve already said in another scene. theres so much unneeded dialogue here that it really distracts from the story. in fact, im not so sure there is a story beneath all of it- i was just way too distracted by the gibber jabberish.

also, you never described what your characters look like (except that Toes was mixed). i dont even know how old they are. then again, if this script involved a bunch of 7 year olds, it would be incredibly entertaining and id change my review stat

and dont give up writing because you dont know how to format scripts properly. do you think famous musicians just picked up an instrument and instantly knew how to play? no, they had to learn how to play each note first

i stopped after 5 pages. sorry, i really tried to finish it, but the formatting threw me off many times, the constant use of "mate" even if I know it's a culture thing, and your directions and all. The good thing here is that its your first, and that you wrote it exactly as you saw it, which in itself is not bad. now you need to write it for others to see it, coz none of us live in your head. formatting is easy stuff, just get a good software program, and you b good 2 go. then keep writing my friend. cheers mate.

Cheers, you have made some good points that I can take on board.