Mama Squad by Clarence Wall - Comedy - A retired Army sergeant recruits some ladies from a retirement home, trains them in unconventional tactics, and uses them to free some captured American service personnel held by a tin-horn dictator.  121 pages

Based on the book of the same name Mama Squad - doc, format

A pretty wild ride.  I may just read the book.

Quoted from TheRichcraft A pretty wild ride.  I may just read the book.

Too the writer...

I wasn't going to read this because I don't recognize your name but since I decided to high-jack your thread... I did.  I'm glad too.. because we can't have you thinking scripts are written this way.

1) Nothing wrong with using wordpad but... you have to know the ingredients that go into formatting a script.  Your font is "12," point western... and it needs to be "12," courier.

Free software out there... try the Celtix website.  There's others too.

2) Scripts are more visual then anything.  Give us some description of your characters.  You've already introduced the sergeant as Waldo... so call him that in your script.  But if you insist, then it should be, "Sergeant, and not sergeant."  Personally, I wouldn't do it.

3) No need to tell us everthing the character is doing.  Their Actors and Actresses for a reason.  No need to describe everything in such detail, especially, if it's not important to the story.  For instance, take the "DAYROOM," scene in the home.  Overkill.

Your CAPPING things that doesn't need to be.  "SHABBILY DRESSED YOUNG MAN."  again... "A CLEAN CUT LOOKING YOUNG MAN."

4) Lot's of good screenwriting books.  Read them.  Read scripts.  

5) host of other issues too.

I read the first two pages.  Your logline sounds interesting and this could be a good story but no one is going to read it until you clean things up.  But more importantly, participate in the SS community.

Good Luck,

Ghostwriter

Word? Word is Word is Wahank. Wank! Noo!

MS? We have too but we not in smug club. Apples. Beatles. Lost? Me too.

Crash my browser. Not good. No y. Ok.

Er. Your scipt.#

Wordy. Like my old ones. Very.

Er. Copyright notices. On every feckin page. Er. No.

Some good stuff in there. Some bad stuff two.

I'd suggest you forget this post and read the fella above. he say it farbetter thab I do. Yoo hoo!]]==

R

Ghostwriter is so right, if you read scripts you'll learn a great deal, very quickly.

opinion, with SPOILERS

Re: Mama Squad... my first thought is that your heart's in the right place, you set out to write a good story about the adventures of some unlikely heroes --  there are charming moments and there's a good story in there, but there's a lot of predictable dialogue and the kind of humor (like the farting that never dies) that might work on screen but is slow going to read.  Just my opinion, of course.

There's no question in my mind that you've got a good story to tell, but to me it felt like we had to plow our way through each section of the plot.
SPOILERS
Maybe it's just that I'm old enough to remember the 1950s, but for me, that Mommies Commies joke weighs a ton... it's not worth reviving the Cold War just for that.

Syd Field's screenplay is a good source for screenplay format.  I also ordered the official screenwriter's guide from the WGA and used that for my screenplays.

I'll have to read Mama's Squad sometime.  This script, while not stellar, had some very funny parts to it.  Perhaps if you used more of the book's dialogue, it might flow better.  Definitely rewrite it again with the proper format.

Sorry to jump on the bad news bandwagon,  but yes, the format is pretty bad. On page 2 you managed to start the action with `The Sergeant` 5 TIMES.  Mix it up a little.
There are plenty of screenwriting software out there. David Trottier screenwriting bible is an excellant referance point.
Don`t let it get you down, as TheRichcraft wrote "rewrite it"  Nothing is ever perfect 1st time.