A Flag For Koblinsk by Richard Buckley (cathead) - Short, Comedy - A subtle, indepth examination of leadership, or a cheap excuse for randomness...You decide. 2 pages - pdf, format

As to your logline - hey, I got enough to do!

Okay, I vote the latter - this is basically a skit. And you should name your speakers otherwise the reader really doesn't pay attention to who's speaking.

AJR

A skit, yeah, probably, but I had a couple of chuckles.  Not bad.

Craiger

I'm not sure if there was enough here to constitute a skit.  It read like you ran out of steam after establishing the scenario.

And, with it being as short as it is, I had problems with the dialog.  Would the president of a country use the word gonna and the phrase for Christ fucking sake?


Phil

With 2 pages long, I didn`t have enough time to get interested in it. More confused than anything.

I took a break from reading 5 pagers so I read yours.

I thought you did okay until the very end. I was expecting something really clever.

Although I did not really laugh at this, I agree with the idea because that's pretty much how I feel about politicians.

I agree that it would help to name the. On film it would be easy tell them apart, but when reading it's harder.

Some typos on page 2.

I didn't get it. It's supposed to be a joke right? So where's the punchline? If there is one than it flew over my head. I did enjoy your writing style though. Very confident.

Better luck next time.

~Zack~

I'd like to thank you all for your comments, (sorry for the late reply, broken computer)

I agree with Phil, I did struggle to come to end of what was just a play about with randomness, you are right about the dialogue also.

I normally do name my characters but with this being so short I thought I get away with a sense of vagueness. But you all know your stuff so i'll heed your warnings and keep plugging away.

Thanks all,

Cathead.

hey Cathead,

so this wasnt a bad read, but by no means was it an impressionable one. i know its a skit, yet most skits are either completely random or clearly focused. i think you tried to do both in this, and in doing so, you ruined the sketch. heres what i mean. so a majority of this skit is just pure randomness right? but then you tried to have a clear punchline at the end- and i dont think it works well. if i were you id either be 100% random, including the end or come up with a better, more precise idea, for a sketch with the same characters, setting, etc. i would vote for the latter

Richard

I thought this was going to be a rip on the Republican party when they started suggesting they use animal imagery for their flag.

The concept definitely has potential but its cut off too soon for me to formulate any solid opinion on it...unless you decide to develop it more.

Best of luck

Col.