Pieces of Me by Jean-Pierre Chapoteau - Short, Sci Fi, Fantasy - A boy evaluates his own existence in a post apocalyptic world while he attempts to hold on to his friends and morality. 7 pages - pdf, format

Jean-Pierre,

Great job on storytelling.   You painted some nice visuals.  Easy to imagine.  The plot seemed real.  You might be treading a little too closely on the coattails of The Book Of Eli and The Road, but who cares.   Again, very well done.

My only complaint is the ending. ---SPOLIER--- Would've liked to see him live.

Hey Jean-Pierre, I've already commented on this script on MoviePoet and I gave you an Excellent on it.

Seems like you re-wrote some parts. You added "The DaVinci Code" and "Moby Dick" books in the cave scene. I didn't get the significance of that.

And once again, why did Kaleb have to die after the mother took the baby away? It's her baby! She should have taken it away.

Quoted from Coding Herman And once again, why did Kaleb have to die after the mother took the baby away? It's her baby! She should have taken it away.

Wow, I didn't know it was her baby. I thought she was planning to eat it all the way. Wasn't she?

I commented on MP as well and gave you excellent. Haven't read the rewrite. The only thing - I do not like the new title. I don't understand it.

Great script though.

Quoted from khamanna Wow, I didn't know it was her baby. I thought she was planning to eat it all the way. Wasn't she?

She was the same woman at the cave when her husband was killed, right? Her husband said the baby is his son, so I assumed the woman is the baby's mother. Or no? I'd like to have Jean-Pierre to explain his intention.

I thought they lied because they planned it for dinner Yeah, lets wait for JP to explain.

This was excellent indeed, JP.

One of the better scripts I have read in a while on here. The work you did with Eliza was especially impressive. That's how you do characterisation. There was a script in the OWC that dealt with two chaps eating their dog, and I said then that more subtlety was required for something of that nature to work - and here is the proof.

You created conflict with the use of the VO where we know Kaleb will have to eat, and he tells us of the victory of self-preservation, we assume it will be the baby that goes, but his humanity remains relatively intact when it is Eliza, however that truly kills him inside. The ending was actually perfect in my eyes, and it fitted the message of the piece.

This is really great work, JP. Would love to see more work of yours.

Andrew

This is powerful stuff. Superb writing with a strong theme about how ethics and morality is the fine line that devides human from the savages beasts. A hefty message wrapped in a wonderful situation of two sides of the coin squabbling over a baby.

The ending was a cop out and I did not like it one bit. I know you had to keep it short and all but I thought Kaleb's last action was so out of character that it just contradicted everything you tried to acheive with this short. Kaleb would of went down fighting for what he believed in then rather take the coward option.

No way that woman was the baby's mother. Why else would she fight like a cornered bear fo the baby other then that she was starving.

I believe the baby was just a meal ticket for the man and the women. And why wouldn't it be, haven't you seen the drumsticks on those little suckers. Makes sense to me when you are struggling in a broken down world with no food and besides it fits the theme of the story.  

I have no idea how to use this site, but I finally found my way here thanks to Matias. I don't know how to do those cool little blocks so I'll just respond the old fashion way.

The baby did not belong to the adults. Some people tend to miss this, but I had Jack explain that the baby had a huge birthmark on her foot, and he also referred to the child as a she. When Kaleb takes off the sheet covering the child's legs, I show that the baby does not have a birthmark and she is actually a he. I thought I underlined HE too, but maybe not...

Ha! The books... I just kind of tossed those in because I had so many complaints about how Kaleb doesn't sound his age.  I added that he had several scholar plaques on the wall in his house, but people didn't pick that up so I placed a couple of books others tend to struggle through. Maybe I shouldn't add the titles. It may throw some people off.

The ending... some people hate it and others love it. I rewrote and ending where Kaleb lives, but I really didn't see why he would. Committing suicide is only a "cop out" in some eyes. There was nothing left for him to live for. He fought for the "person" he loved but then they died.  Then he was given a new responsibility, only for it to be ripped away from him.  So what has he left to live for?  Just to say that he's living? Man is damned. There is no salvation.  So he did what he thought was best.

(I wouldn't have done it myself, but that's just me...)

I'm not that good with titles. It was meant that the dog and the baby were pieces that kept him together, and when they were taken away from him he is left with nothing.

Thanks for the reviews guys. I wrote one called "Edge of Life" but I have no idea where it is. Has anyone found it? It's 7 pages long. It's one I wrote on MP called $500 that EVERYONE hated, but I fixed up a couple of things. That's the one I really wanted to get the feedback from.

Thanks again.

Ha! Thanks for explaining, JP. A lesson for me to pay more attention to what I'm reading. Sometimes, I think, details will show up more clearly on film than on paper.

From your explanation, I do agree that committing suicide might be a "logical" thing to do. I have no problem with your ending.

And it's not true that EVERYONE hated your $500.00 script. At least not me. If I remembered correctly, you need to write your ending in more clearly.

Hey, I think people should take a look at this script. Simply excellent. Bump!

Quoted from Coding Herman Hey, I think people should take a look at this script. Simply excellent. Bump!

Good call, coding.  He's got some scripts over at Moviepoet you might like, too.

Quoted from screenrider Good call, coding.  He's got some scripts over at Moviepoet you might like, too.

Oh, actually I knew JP from Moviepoet and I've read every one of his scripts there. I recommend A Hero's Circle.

Haha! What are you guys doing?! Stop sending people to my bad scripts!!

Seriously though, thanks for the compliments

This was a very smart piece.  Very thought provoking.

Without going into detail, you put us into a world very different from our own and you kept us there, even after the script was over.  That's hard to do with such a short piece.

Good work.


Phil