SimplyScripts Discussion Board
Blog Home - Produced Movie Script Library - TV Scripts - Unproduced Scripts - Contact - Site Map
ScriptSearch
Welcome, Guest.
It is March 28th, 2024, 4:39am
Please login or register.
Was Portal Recent Posts Home Help Calendar Search Register Login
Please do read the guidelines that govern behavior on the discussion board. It will make for a much more pleasant experience for everyone. A word about SimplyScripts and Censorship


Produced Script Database (Updated!)
One Week Challenge - Who Wrote What and Writers' Choice.


Scripts studios are posting for award consideration

Short Script of the Day | Featured Script of the Month | Featured Short Scripts Available for Production
Submit Your Script

How do I get my film's link and banner here?
All screenplays on the simplyscripts.com and simplyscripts.net domain are copyrighted to their respective authors. All rights reserved. This screenplaymay not be used or reproduced for any purpose including educational purposes without the expressed written permission of the author.
Forum Login
Username: Create a new Account
Password:     Forgot Password

SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Short Scripts  ›  Hobos of London - Babz WOL script Moderators: bert
Users Browsing Forum
No Members and 13 Guests

 Pages: 1
Recommend Print
  Author    Hobos of London - Babz WOL script  (currently 1418 views)
Don
Posted: August 13th, 2010, 8:36pm Report to Moderator
Administrator
Administrator


So, what are you writing?

Location
Virginia
Posts
16381
Posts Per Day
1.94
Hobos of London by Gary Rademan - Short - Two hobos tell the story of the Werewolves of London with an interesting prop. 5 pages A WOL script - pdf, format


Visit SimplyScripts.com for what is new on the site.

-------------
You will miss 100% of the shots you don't take.
- Wayne Gretzky
Logged Offline
Site Private Message
Dreamscale
Posted: August 14th, 2010, 11:09am Report to Moderator
Guest User



Yo, Gary, not sure how I missed this one last night...but then again, everyone seemed to miss it.

Can't say I really liked this one.  It paled in comparison to your other WOL script.

For me, the writing here didn't come across very fluidly.  Just had an odd feel to the whole thing.  The use of the lyrics was also rather weak, IMO, as you simply had a character reciting them.  The end was no big surprise, either, wit the head in the bag, although then going to a new hobo town was not expected...but it does leave me asking, "Why?"

It seems to be a serious, rather dark take on the idea (which I'm all for), but taken in context with everything, and the ending, I'm left kind of scratching my head.

Definitely not terrible in any way, but when I saw you had written a 2nd WOL script, I was expecting alot more.  Sorry...or maybe that's a good thing I was expecting more from you?

Anyways, good effort, bud!
Logged
e-mail Reply: 1 - 6
grademan
Posted: August 14th, 2010, 1:31pm Report to Moderator
Been Around



Location
Wisconsin
Posts
872
Posts Per Day
0.16
Jeff, thanks for reading this. I agree, this was a darker piece and an off note attempt at the challenge. I wrote this one first in one sitting and then realized I could do better, so  I did. This is here, in interest of sharing our efforts, This one should have stayed in my portfolio of unposted works.

Gary
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 2 - 6
jayrex
Posted: August 16th, 2010, 3:17pm Report to Moderator
Old Timer


Cut to three weeks earlier

Location
London, UK
Posts
1420
Posts Per Day
0.22
Hi Gary,

Can't say I care for this script either.  I think your other one was better than this.

The writing was odd and didn't quite flow as smooth as one would hope.

JT


Logged Offline
Site Private Message Reply: 3 - 6
Ledbetter
Posted: August 16th, 2010, 7:26pm Report to Moderator
Guest User



Grademan,
You did clear all of the lyrics of the song. Great job! The opening scene was very clear and dicriptive.

A story told by the camp fire. The second part seems to get into a rythem regarding the lyrics as though you might know where the script is going.

I think you changed it up nicely at the end and IMO put together a really good story here. I'm just sorry it took me so long to get to it.

Good Job! I liked it.

Shawn.....><
Logged
e-mail Reply: 4 - 6
Grandma Bear
Posted: August 16th, 2010, 8:57pm Report to Moderator
Administrator



Location
The Swamp...
Posts
7961
Posts Per Day
1.36
Hm...I liked this one. I thought the fact that you kept mostly in one location made it better. It's too short of an assignment to have a LOT of scenes, locations and characters.

For whatever it's worth, it worked pretty well for me.  


Logged
Private Message Reply: 5 - 6
grademan
Posted: August 17th, 2010, 9:20am Report to Moderator
Been Around



Location
Wisconsin
Posts
872
Posts Per Day
0.16
Thansk guys!

JT
Another miss for you? No worries, maybe my next one will light your rocket..

SHAWN,
The opening was my favorite part! Glad you got into the story.

PIA,
I am happy this one worked well for you. I agree simple is better.


Gary
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 6 - 6
 Pages: 1
Recommend Print

Locked Board Board Index    Short Scripts  [ previous | next ] Switch to:
Was Portal Recent Posts Home Help Calendar Search Register Login

Forum Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post polls
You may not post attachments
HTML is on
Blah Code is on
Smilies are on


Powered by E-Blah Platinum 9.71B © 2001-2006