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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Short Scripts  ›  The Brother Moderators: bert
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Don
Posted: August 14th, 2010, 6:17pm Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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The Brother by Roger Goldsmith - Short, Drama - A man discovers his brother in bed with his girlfriend. He stays in a hotel where a man in the next room strangles his wife when he discovers her having an affair with his brother, and gives himself up to the police. Is there a link between the two men? 10 pages - pdf, format


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Thornton
Posted: August 18th, 2010, 2:59pm Report to Moderator
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Hi Roger,

As I read your script I found it quite intriguing. It had a nice pace to it. There's a few errors but not enough to bother me.

I personally place a lot of emphasis on the ending and yours has me in two minds. At one level I'm simply struggling to understand what has happened with the story and, therefore, I found it somewhat disappointed.

SPOILERS

However, this is my best-guess.....was Daniel seeing visions of what could happen and the old man murdering his wife is a warning to him of 'what could happen' i.e. 30 years of Steve having an affair with his girlfriend?

Could you explain please?

Overall, I think you have something quite interesting here, but it didn't quite come across to me.

One large criticism is that Daniel's conversation seems to solely consist of him repeating the main crux of what the policeman said, but turning it into a question. I found this very annoying.

Good luck with this,
Thornton
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