Team Extreme Episode 1: Brain Drain by Matthew Cardenas - Series, Comedy - An inept superhero group fights for truth, justice, and all that junk in an irreverent take on the superhero genre that it's creator calls "brilliant" and "...the greatest thing I've ever read."  26 pages - pdf, format

Team Extreme Episode 2: The Man in the Titanium Mask by Matthew Cardenas - Series, Comedy - Will The Falcon find the answer to the Enigma Code?  Who murdered Mayor Linden?  Answers to all this and more in this week's episode of Team Extreme! 24 pages - pdf, format

I think episode one was already posted and I already checked it out.  Not sure if the thread disappeared...

Ep 2....

Off the bat the dialogue is on the nose and a little stilted.  I think this was a problem in the first one as well.
"boogeyman casually raises a hand, which is revealed to be holding a gun, and shoots a man in the head"  Why not just casually raises a gun?  It's not like its a big reveal.  There's a lot of these moments in the script, where you make the sentences a little too overwrought and complex.  Try keeping it more clipped and simple, the same information will get across.

Seems like the team would probably be pissed that the falcon used the bracelets to find out their identities.  they dont really give any reaction.

Need to work on the excitement of the fight scenes.  Like astounding women and black jesus fight.  meanwhile someone give water to metalman.  whats the fight?  are they flying into walls, or just standing their like rockem sockem robots?  kinda generic.

"What happened with us was... one of
the best times of my life, but
seeing those skeletons made me
realize we can’t ever be together.
...Unless I can stop all crime,
which still might happen, we’ll
see. But until that day I will be
proud to be your teammate, if you
guys will have me, but teammate is
all I can be right now."
What?  long and rambling and awkward and whats he talking about?

I like the premise of these, I picture it animated on adult swim, just so you wouldn't have a ridiculous budget for this kinda lowbrow stuff.  would be great if it was animated in the old old school classic superhero way, but anyways...

Your biggest issues are the dialogue needing to be relaxed and realisticafied  (Yea thats a word.)  and smoothing out some of the action.  Also some awkward phrases that would do better just to be simplified, like the boogeyman gun thing.

Did enjoy it though, good luck with it.

Thanks for the reply Jackx, as always.  Another version of the first draft was in the comedy section, but it got moved to this section when I sent the new version and the second script in.

I think you're pretty dead on with my dialogue, I'm still finding my form.  I've edited it many times and still see tons of errors every time I reread it.  I do find some difficulty with the action scenes, I'm reading some other scripts to help find some tips.

That made me feel pretty good about how you pictured it, because I was always writing it picturing it animated in an adult swim-type way.  I don't think it'd be terribly good if it wasn't animated.

Thanks again for the tips, they've really helped a lot.  I've learned a lot from you and others here, I'll make sure and try and give some input to others on here.