Lucifer by Marcus Tan - Short, Drama - Good doesn't even triumph over evil. 3 pages - pdf, format

Even I can read 3 pages. Fish have a better attention span. I'm serious, I usedta sell them. Sorry Marcus, I babble...

Ahum, your email is jetaime? Are you taking the piss? Fair enough. I do. Often.

I see you've put some work in, I'll Bing or Google your markings but big blocks of texts are a no no in SW land. Rob will tell you its about space on a page. This ain't novel land.

Break the bugger up. Pardon me Francais, but I was dragged up on motorways. If I wanna read a novel I will. But I won't do it here.

G'luck. And keep at it. You never know.

RH xo

I am with my friend here.

This is a story, not a script. To be honest, it really isn't a story in its entirity either. Rather a chapter. A battle between two angels but what were the stakes?

I know Michael lost, but why were they fighting to begin with? What brought them there?

The formatting was completly off, not a single bit of dialog. Perhaps that was your intention, a silent film.

Here is the main rub for me though, neither of the players were intro'ed in a way that I cared about eitherof them. They sounded identical.

Read some scripts my friend, learn some basics. Formatting, dialog, slugs, things like that.

And please take this in a positive light. I, myself still struggle with writing. Let's see you do something else. Okay?

Shawn.....><

Hi Marcus.

Nothing much to add to Rend and Led's comments. You obviously have some writing chops but screenwriting is a completely unique genre.

Everyone on this site has gone through the evolution from novello to screenwriting (none more so than me) and we are all still learning.

So good luck, remain positive and keep on writing, cos that's the only way to improve.

Best.

Martin

Thumbs Down.  Not a script.  No plot.  No meaning.  No nothing but a fight scene. All i could picture was the satan from Southpark fighting Jesus.

A very dense fight scene.  Most of the obvious has been said already.  You just can't have a block of action like that but it happens to all of us at the start of screenwriting.  

Keep working buddy.  You put some work in on this scene and you obviously see it clearly in your mind which I think is a good thing.  When you start doing this with a story opposed to a fight, I think you'll be in really good shape.

Like I said, we all learn the no-nos.  My first screenplay began with a 19 line block of description to describe one device and I cut it down to 2 later!lol

Look forward to checking out your next post.

Mike's post in T minus 5...4...3...2...

It's good to know that the battle for good and evil will be fought in the octagon.


Phil

Where do I begin?  People naturally seem to have annoyingly short attention spans.  This is something every prospective writer must understand.  It took me a long time to figure out; some say I still haven't.  This is why I urge you to split your action into smaller, bite-sized chunks; and for god's sake, make sure your script has a plot.