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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Short Scripts  ›  Shit Day Moderators: bert
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  Author    Shit Day  (currently 622 views)
Don
Posted: October 24th, 2010, 2:55pm Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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Shit Day by Michael Taylor (Qualeman4080) - Short, Comedy - A lottery at work that no one would want to be a part of. 5 pages - pdf, format


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dogglebe
Posted: October 24th, 2010, 3:17pm Report to Moderator
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Sorry Mike but, while the writing was well executed, the story itself made no sense to me.  Characterization was okay, given the length of the piece but, in the end, the whole thing fell flat.


Phil
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Baltis.
Posted: October 24th, 2010, 3:28pm Report to Moderator
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Very sloppy read.  Your 1st passage reads like 3-d art sells... Shit.  You put (Continued) at the tops and bottoms of each page too.  Well, you don't but the software you unknowingly use does.  Toggle this worthless feature off.  Then you're putting (Pause) inset of a dialog chain... And not even in the right spot.  

You have 2 paragraphs that are 5 lines a pop.  Cut them down.

And as far as story goes...                                          (pause)

I don't get it.  
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