The Upset by Roxanne Sky - Short, Drama - A local middle Eastern boy is unjustly criticized at the funeral of a soldier. 4 pages - pdf, format

Roxanne,

Never seem a military funeral at night. You're trying way too hard here to tackle on some very heavy subject matter. Whatever your point of this was, it was completely lost on me.

I understand about racial profiling, especially in this country, but you could have used a much better example IMO.

Your writing has a long way to go. Why do you space under the character's names?

Anyways, best of luck. I don't think this will be well recieved by most. Not cause of the subject, nothing is taboo here. It's just not well represented. And, it's really not a whole story. More like, just a scene.


James

Lots of formatting problems with this one, even though they can be corrected. Dialouge was also very unnatural and the whole setting was just off. My overall problem with this piece is that it's been done to death and that you highlighted nothing new. A persons reaction to that piece would depend entirely on their political point of view and ability to empathise with people in a balanced fashion. There was no conflict through which the theme, was explored. The grieving mother brands all people from Afganstan killers. Okay. So where was the other side to the story? There are lots of people who believe that anyway. How about showing it from the other side, american soldiers on forgein soil and the Afgan reaction to it. Why are they there? Freedom?? Oil?? Protect who's interests and what policies?