Javier by Constance Wallenberg (conwall) - Short, Drama - An immigrant worker can only afford an old-fashioned push mower, but he becomes a unexpected success in environmentally-obsessed Beverly Hills. 14 pages - pdf, format

Where's your title page?

CAP Javier when you intro him. As well as everyone else.

Quoted Text This is Javier, a decent older guy just trying to take a shot at his Mexican-American dream.

Far too novelistique. I don't mind unfilmables that give an actor a certain idea of how to act in a scene. This is way off the reservation for a script IMO. Most of the rest of your unfilmables worked for me.

Your slugs are a little too full for my taste. Could be your own styl though.

Pretty cool story here. I liked it. Had a nice theme to it and was glad you finished it the way you did. Although, would've liked some idea of why he decided to stay green. He never even understood anyone or why they hired him. So why didn't he buy the gas guzzling tractor?

I maybe would've liked Javier speaking some very broken English at times. Making an effort. Would've added to his likeability IMO. Then Michelle could translate for him.

Anywho, best advice I could offer. Pretty darn good piece as it sits.

James

Thanks for the read!

Hi Constance,

I just gave this one a read and I thought it was a sweet little story.  I enjoyed it.

I had the same reaction to the ending as James did.  On the one hand, I'm kind of glad that you ended it the way that you did, but at the same time, I think you might need to find another way for Javier to decided to stay with his reel mower since as James pointed out, he never really understood the reasons for his getting hired int he first place.  I mean, event he touch with the go green sticker struck me as him just using it out of necessity.  

If you want to keep Javier'c character with no English, then perhaps you could add another character who could kind of explain to him why he's been hired.  That would make his decision to stay with the reel mower more believable IMO.  After all, the American dream is "bigger is better".  I know I'd have opted for the fancy model.

Just wanted to point out the following:

"I just wanted to make sure because you know
that here at B.H.B. your security is
something we pride ourselves...hello?"

Your slug says "Bank of Beverly Hills" so shouldn't it be B.B.H - could be wrong, just figured I'd toss it out there.

Anyway, I enjoyed this and thought it was a very nice effort.  Thanks for the read and good luck.

Craig