Hibernaculum - 1st Episode - Heinrich's Point by Gil Monteiro (vinny) - Series - Two peculiar men habit the small town of Heinrich’s Point.They’re cannibals and every time they eat another human being, they hibernate. 30 pages - pdf, format

just read the first episode.  I'm not too sure about series writing, but if it weren't for your logline, i would have probably stopped reading sooner because the cannibal aspect didn't hit me in the face...were you trying to be subtle with it because it is a series?

Even though the story is about an implausible subject, double check for plausibility like pg. 6 - they wouldn't put anyone in a jail cell with a bandana on.

sometimes sentence structure makes the action more clear...I know you see it in your mind, but the trick is getting your mind's eye clearly down on paper.  

And double-check spelling.

Dialogue is a little wooden...try to avoid obvious exposition in dialogue.

But I like the idea...keep writing!

Quoted from dt just read the first episode.  I'm not too sure about series writing, but if it weren't for your logline, i would have probably stopped reading sooner because the cannibal aspect didn't hit me in the face...were you trying to be subtle with it because it is a series?

I don't want to make the whole cannibal issue the point for this show, although it is the main event that gets the whole action going. The more important, is how the main characters live their lives in the small town, lurking for preys, which happens to be their neighbors, friends or girlfriends.

By the end of the entire show, if you sum up their entire victims, it shouldn't be more than ten.

the struggle here will be to keep the audience, interested in the two protagonists and root for them, or root for their victims. Unlike, for example Dexter, where you really couldn't care less about his victims, here, we'll actually feel like we're losing valuable, interesting characters.

Quoted Text Even though the story is about an implausible subject, double check for plausibility like pg. 6 - they wouldn't put anyone in a jail cell with a bandana on.

Are you sure about that? Maybe it's just me, but after watching to many OZ, i think prisioners can't pretty much get away with anything...i don't know.
It's not really a prison you know? Just a cell block down at the town's police station. Maybe i'll have to check on that.

Quoted Text sometimes sentence structure makes the action more clear...I know you see it in your mind, but the trick is getting your mind's eye clearly down on paper.   And double-check spelling. Dialogue is a little wooden...try to avoid obvious exposition in dialogue.

Indeed, there's room for much improvement. This was my first script and i'm already doing much better in another spec script i'm writting for a movie, but unlike here, i have it all very well structured.
When i started writting this show, i really didn't know what would happen in the first episode, except introduce some of the characters.

Quoted Text But I like the idea...keep writing!

yes, looking forward to it, next episode's about the other, man eating character