Why Do You Love Me? by Steve Meredith - Short, Drama - It's such a simple question.  Unfortunately, for many, it's one we can't answer.  Newlyweds Brian and Ashley explore both of their answers one night at the dinner table. 9 pages - pdf, format

Meh,

This was just okay for me. Books, you could write, I'm sure. Screenplays, not there yet. A couple of actors may chomp at the bit for this one, But I don't know how many film makers would as really nothing happens.

You wrote the parts well. A bit long winded at times. I believe more is said with less. You do reek of arrogance a bit. Your characters saying how your quotes should be in books. I thought they were good, but nothing I'm gonna post on my wall. To be honest, those lines made me like this less. I'd get rid of them...

Other then that, I did find it enjoyable.

James

Hmm. Steve submits quite a bit for SS by way of 'shorts'.

I'd be inclined to comment on more of his if he actually did partake more.

I read this one out of curiousity. And if Steve appears he gets my comments. Otherwise, nup.

It's interesting and subtle.

I think Brian did not answer her question. She asked "why do you love me" and he told her a story about him wanting to marry another girl before meeting her and then he met her and she was.. better...

And then to his question "why do you love me" she says she "used to date many"

--what I'm saying is maybe the question should be changed. To me they are giving each other answers to "What was before me".

I like the idea enough but something about it just didn't click.

Part of the problem I have is with the dialogue. I understand you were going for a deep connection between these two characters but I felt like it was a bit forced. Brian, for example, seemed to have a monologue prepared for everything Ashley said. It just didn't come off as very believable to me.

I think if you just trimmed the dialogue a little bit, it'd be a lot more enjoyable.

Also, I'm not one to nitpick about using wrylies. If it works, it works. But I just found the one you used here:


ASHLEY:
(fighting as
hard as she can
for her voice
not to break)

to be excessive. It kind of took me out of the story for a second when I read that. But like I said, stuff like that isn't a big deal to me. I just wanted to point that out.

I'm with LC on this one Steve. Unless you show up and contribute a little, You're on my fuck-off list. Stop posting your mediocre shorts unless you take some feedback and rewrite.

James

Didn't work for me.

The idea is nice, but to be honest this is something that people who are dating, maybe engaged should be asking each other - isn't this a question of insecurity?

Dialogue from the beginning is over-expository, and much of it is unnecessary - the 'chat' about the students is wasteful and clumpy in its style.

I felt that piece needed more subtlety, it was a sensitive subject, and I think needed more sensitive handling - Shane is correct in his analysis - these characters needed to think a little before replies, and convey some sense of consideration - both gave replies which at one point made it feel more like a slugging match.

I was wondering if it would be better set at the point at which one first declares their love for the other and then is questioned over it? Just a thought.

Good luck.

Steve,

First off, you need to "FADE IN."  Right or left justification is still a question in my mind.
Your dialogue is too long in spots. The story line is good but I don't see any depth to the characters.

Overall, I see potential but not in it's present form.

Peter