The Script by Leon Aria - Short - A man can't think of an idea for his script. 2 pages - pdf, format

Leon, this idea has been done to death. It's a set-up to a punchline that doesn't make any sense and is not funny IMHO. Maybe others will find it amusing but to me it doesn't work. You've also got a couple of formatting issues you might want to sort out, read some pro scripts to find out what they are.

Cheers,
Tim.

Yeah, I'll have to agree with Tim here. Not much here. As far as format, I like double spaced slugs, adds more white to the page. You wouldn't have gone over two pages if you used them.

BETH (O.S)
(calling from another
room)
How’s your writing going? - I don't feel there's a need for a wrylie here. (O.S.) let's us know that Beth is somewhere else.

Other then that I thought the writing was fine. Just seems like repetition for a punchline that made me smile, but not laugh out loud.

James

WTF?  A 6 foot gorilla wearing a dress?

Sorry, didn't work at all for me.  The writing itself is so stale and dull...completely uneventful.  Although this is actually less than a page and a half, it reads like 3, which is not a good thing.

Sorry, nothing positive to say here.

this is just some kind of non sequitur (<--at least i think it is)sight gag joke, it's not a script.  Here's how I see this.  You're watching a sketch comedy show, and as a transition from a long sketch to another long sketch, you slot this in.  Like on Robot Chicken when they have little 20 second jokes between actual skits.  This didn't work for me, but surprise gags like that can be funny from time to time.

This reads like you were just dying to write something down while going through one of those writer's block moments yourself.  

Feels good to get ANYTHING down sometimes, even if it didn't ring many bells.  Maybe not your best work to share, but keep going.

Good luck.

This felt like a dramatization of a single panel cartoon from New Yorker magazine.  It wasn't worth the set up.  Sorry.


Phil

Thanks for the read guys, much appreciated.  I can see what your getting at.   I didn't really set out for this to be funny, the ending was supposed to be purposely bad.  It was my intention for this to be self referential, that you're reading the script that George himself was writing, which retells his attempt to write a script, and in the absence of a good idea he has lazily written his wife in as a gorilla.
Just after i submitted this i was worried that it would be read as a straight random surprise gag, in retrospect i don't think my intentions were very clear.
Cheers, Leon