The Perfect Crime by Jesse Richton - Short - Richard finds himself  at a crime scene that is the cleanest crime scene ever scene. 6 pages - pdf, format

I don't know if this guy is here, but I read it real quick anyways.
1. The format isn't correct. The Scene Headers are out of order and without proper punctuation
2. The grammer is brutal. Misspelled words, punctuation, capitalization etc.
3. It all felt a bit random. The gay porn, Bruce Willis movies, (SPOILER) Heart Attack. It didn't flow.
Also, are there two John's? Because there's one John that the main character clues in to why a detective probably did it, then the John who dies and is accused?
Also, there's no actual ending to the short.

This was written like you were late to catch a train, and the first step is a rewrite with an eye towards proofreading.

The Bruce Willis angle actually made me laugh, though I wonder if the comic angle was intentional.  It may be impossible to know for sure unless this author is around.

I actually read the whole thing, and have a few more comments for the author if they happen to show up.

Normally, I read shorts in their entirety.  I stopped about halfway through the first page.  If you can't write in complete sentences and proofread your work, then you shouldn't be writing.

Phil

Even though the grammar and spelling was really bad, this read pretty fast and may have been funny by accident but I think thats what made me keep reading it.  If you keep writing I think you could be pretty good, but you have to take proof reading more seriously or no one will read your work.

Oh and the log line is the funniest thing I ever read!

If English isn't your primary language, or if you're younger than 5,  then I congratulate you on writing this.  Job well done.

Eye red the hole thing thing.  And Eye think the tidal should bee, "Homonym Hell".

This story has Ben tolled many thymes before.  They're was nothing original about it and it was painful to reed.

Please read up on format and basic storytelling.

I wouldn't worry about the copyright on this one...

The story is too simple... something still missing. But I liked idea.

The logline is hilarious...

I also got half way through page 1 before switching off. Appauling grammar... Totally off-putting.

"It’s fine. I know you just want to
catch this A Whole. Come on we
gatta find something thing."

I read this. It read like super fast. I have never seen anything submitted riddled with this many grammar and spelling problems, not to mention, the format thing.

My advice, proof read or hire someone to proof read for you. Buy final draft or get one of the free programs out there for formatting help.

The story was 'ok' for me. If you would have made the ending more interesting ....for instance if he had a heart attack after shooting the guy...the irony of murdering someone but having to call an ambulance for himself...I dunno, just think the ending could have been better. The story's been done a bunch before. The key is how you tell it and show it.

I don't ever say give up to anyone, but work harder. Read scripts. And keep trying.

i dont want to be a dick, but are some of these a joke? random capitalized words, out of order slugs, horrendous spelling, etc, etc.

are most of the "writers" (I include myself as a "writer") on this site writing english as their second language?

Quoted from Nomad If English isn't your primary language, or if you're younger than 5,  then I congratulate you on writing this.

Snark.

Read:
All of are our information on the
methods and on how to search and
sample a crime scene.

...and spot the Freudian slip.

Not 5; not ESL.

Now re-check the Josh Bushman threads...

I would suggest reading some scripts and see how they are formatted first. Then go back to this, clean it up and post again.

Two perfect crimes in one day. What's happened to all the dumb criminals nowadays?

I won't go into what is wrong with this as this already been said by previous posters. I would read scripts all day and night if I was you and always at least once proof read before you post.

Best of luck with it and keep reading and writing.

Steve

I'm going to withhold any genuine criticism until the writer makes their presence known. I also have my suspicions this might just be a troll.

Nevertheless, I'm glad I read this. The "hard attack" at the end made my day. The logline also reads like Dr. Suess with short term memory loss. Damn fine stuff, sir.