Flower Girl by Edith Cooper - Short, Drama - A lonely young girl, lacking friends and a mother's love, struggles--after a brief glimpse of happiness--to overcome and find meaning in a devastating loss. 37 pages - pdf, format

Edith, first off, very well done.  There are folks on here who are gonna come crushing down with font and formatting issues, most of which will be true, but I really enjoyed the story.  

You're quite a writer, no doubt about it.  The dialogue moves as smooth as the other side of the pillow on a hot night.  The structure of the story is very sound, although it would not hurt you to tighten up some of the descriptions and such, and maybe even some of the dialogue as well.

I could feel Stephanie's pain, truly, and that is a good thing.  When you bring it all together in the end it does have an almost too good to be true feel to it, but no question you have the beginning of a sound feature on your hands here.  

Keep on writing!  And get some screenwriting software!!  It will make life much easier for you.  

Well done.

Hi Edith,

I have to agree with TheSecond about the format and font.

I think Final Draft is the best screenwriting software, but there is free screenwriting software available on the internet.

This is what I use to write: http://www.scripped.com
It's free.

As for your story, I could feel the poor kids pain, too.
I would have like to have seen the teacher do more to help her somehow. Maybe buy her some new clothes or do something to maybe help her find her father.

Good luck with your writing.

Welcome to simplyscripts.

Cindy

Huh.  Well overall I really liked this one.

Seems like this could be spread out a bit more and turned into a feature, but I'd have the girl's life be even worse.  Sounds bad I know, but to warrant an ending where she finally gets some good in her life, the rest needs to be pretty terrible.  The relationship with her Mom is really well done.  I found myself hating that woman.  

The death of the teacher feels kind of sudden.  I like how heartless the Mom is about it.  It's nice to see all that money left to her that her Mom can't touch.  I found the very end scene to be a bit strange though.  Ending on the brother basically saying, "Hey can I have some of your money?" left a really bad taste in my mouth.  

I'd rather have it be one of those situations like in Million Dollar Baby where the horrible family wants all her money but there's no way they're ever touching it.  I get that the brother was kind to her, but since he's kind of the only family member that's there for her I wouldn't have him ever even hint at wanting any of that money.  I think it makes the character's motivations a bit confusing.  

But all that aside, I really liked this.  If done well (child actors) this could be a really effective film.