Intersection by Brendan Beachman - Short, Dark Comedy - The monotony of two road construction workers day is smashed with the violent arrival of an object from the sky. 22 pages - pdf, format

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Trailer

Intersection opening from Brendan Beachman on Vimeo.

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Film

INTERSECTION from Brendan Beachman on Vimeo.

Hey Brendan,

I really liked this script. Great visuals and dialogue.
I got to know your characters really quick.

Having this in one location (something that I have a hard time with, but you did it with ease) will improve your chances at getting it produced, too.

I felt bad for Chris. He was a likeable guy.

I do have a couple of questions though...

Where did the stop sign come from?
I thought they were in the middle of nowhere.

And

Aren't stop signs cemented into the ground?

You were probable looking for an original kill, but I'm not sure it's going to work here.

Dwayne being the guy he is, seems like he would have a pocket knife on him. I think that could work.

I think it might bring a little smile to readers if he heard a howl at the end, too.

Anyway, good job.
Nice read.

Cindy

Hello Brendan,

I noticed Cindy's review of your script.
So, I thought I'd take a look see at it.

Are you a regular contributor to peer reviews here on SS?
If so, I'll gladly go into detail about your script.

For now, I'll read it and share some general thoughts.
SS is a great resource, if you participate and interact with its veterans.

I'll take a few notes as I go:

p. 2 Twenty-one lines of action make up the first half of the page.
       A good general rule of thumb is no more than four in a row.
      You can cut down your word use here and still get across your imagery.
      Efficiency is key, make your screenplay easy to read.

p. 19 The action description about the truck being "within miles" reads weird.
        Dwayne's seeing a truck that's within miles, a bit vague to picture.

Overall, I like the tone and vibe of your story.
I don't think there's 22 pages worth of material to sustain it though.
The slow pace works, but needs a trim, especially in the action descriptions.

The ending, just ended, more or less.
If your implying death by cougar, don't imply, let's see the killer get his due.

If you're around and a contributing reader, I'll gladly go into detail.

Keep writing and rewriting!
Regards,
E.D.

Hey guys,
Thank you for your input. I'll try to answer the questions you had regarding the stop sign Cindy. It may not be clear enough in the script, so sorry about that!

I actually did spend summers during my high school and college years as a road construction worker, and this scenario of being left out on a deserted dirt road is lifted directly from real life experience.

The stop sign you are wondering about isn't an actual sign cemented into the road-- rather it is a small handheld sign about 6 feet tall with a metal pole that is roughly 3/4" in diameter. One side of the sign reads stop, and the other reads slow. Their job is to basically hold this sign up to keep nonexistent vehicles from driving down one of the roads at the intersection. In reality, they would probably stand with the sign in shifts, but Chris seems to be the only person between the two to truly grasp the meaninglessness of the job at hand.

I don't think that it's very realistic that a person could have the strength to actually impale the pole though another persons chest cavity...buuut I'm not really too concerned with realism with this script.

Dreamer, I just signed up as a member to SS today, so I'm a newbie. I'm looking forward to getting more involved!

I hear what you're saying about the extraneous action descriptions. I am planning on directing this, so I think that I may have had trouble separating my shotlist with the actual script. I was adding in descriptions of shots that I plan on using, which is something that should definitely be left out of the script. I'll try to be more concise on subsequent drafts.

I didn't intend on implying death by cougar in this draft. The humor was supposed to come from Dwayne's final realization that he completely screwed himself. And now he's going to die of thirst and exposure, alone and naked in the desert...all for a rock. I don't want the ending to fall flat though. I can see maybe torquing up the odds against the guy by showing a mountain lion, or hearing a growl directly behind him. He then connects the dots and says his last line. I don't think that I'd actually want to show Dwayne getting killed. I think it's funnier and more effective to end on his realization of impending death.

Thanks for reading the script! I look forward to being a part of this group of talented screenwriters!

This just in from Brendan,

I posted my short script, "Intersection" years back while I was still struggling to raise funds and get the project off the ground. I just wanted to check in to let you know that I finally shot it, and recently screened it at the Palm Springs International ShortFest.

Thanks for posting it on your site! Here is the first minute and a half of the film  - https://vimeo.com/106217185

Intersection opening from Brendan Beachman on Vimeo.

I didn't see this script but the sneak peek looks intriguing with some nice visuals. Congratulations in getting this made and on the screening at Palm Springs.

I just watched the whole thing.  It was odd.  And the ending was just so abrupt in that it just ends, not how it ends.

I will wait until I hear back from you before going deep into why this didn't really work for me.  Not sure if you will get any flack for the deaths of the ants.

Nice job with the rabbit, really looks like they ran over it.  

Nice job getting it made and best of luck trying to sell it.

Dan

I feel a pulse, faint, but there...

Didn't have time to watch the whole thing. But it looks very well made. Better than 99% of the stuff you see online.

Shot well, visually haunting and atmospheric. Good acting and use of the slow pace to build up suspense.

The story started well, but by the time of the corpse disposal, the story just dragged on, (like dragging a 100 lb meteorite, I suppose).  I am not sure what the writer and director wanted to achieve by the ending, it did not leave me inquisitive about what may come of the character, it just seemed to be the end of a scene.