Mugged by Jeff Bruno (jeffjb91) - Short, Comedy - A young man's attempt to mug someone goes horribly and awkwardly wrong. 3 pages. - html, format

I thought this was pretty good, although the pacing could be better. You mentioned Ronny walking behind the old lady in the first paragraph. I would pace it better...build up some suspense before we figure out who he really is.

Also, I found a few spelling errors:

There was no "FADE IN:" or anything at the begining of the script.

Get rid of (CONTINUED) at the top and botom of each page. It's unnecessary.

Pg. 2 When Rony says "Uh.. No," you need to use ether three periods after "uh" or one period.

Top of page 3: When Ronny says "Well... I should really get going-" you should use "--" at the end of his dialogue to indicate that he was cut off, not "-".

Pg. 3 "Exuse me" spelling error. Excuse.     

Also, there was no "FADE OUT" at the end.


Like I said, this was pretty good. I'm not great about sentence structure and stuff, but in my opinion, this was written well.

Great notes crookedowl. I'm new to this site... Is there a way to create an updated version and replace the current one with it?

thanks
-jeff

Quoted from jeffjb91 Great notes crookedowl. I'm new to this site... Is there a way to create an updated version and replace the current one with it?

Just submit your updated script like you would a normal script, and indicate that it is a revised version of your other script.

I agree with crookedowl.  This is a cute script through it ran way too long.  You should be able to cut a quarter if it out.  Other than that, everything was fine.

Welcome to the boards.


Phil

Thanks guys. What specifically was it that you think could be cut out, dogglebe?

-jeff