INT. LUKE'S HOUSE - BEDROOM - NIGHT
LUKE, 19, lies out across his bed, on top of the bed sheets.
He leans over the side and is sick down into a bucket that's
their on the floor. A lot of blood comes out with it.
He's covered in sweat and out of breath.
He looks very close to death.
He starts to cry, lets the silent tears run down the front of
“INT. LUKE'S HOUSE - BEDROOM - NIGHT
LUKE, 19, sprawled across his bed looking like death warmed over. He leans over the side and vomits blood into a bucket.
He flops back on the bed and cries.”
Less is more and comes in handy whey you write 110 pages.
What's the point?
There is no meaning to what Joe and Kyle did. With the riddles you set up a bit of mystery (and I'm interested) as to what Joe and Kyle may do with Luke's body but there is no pay off for that little mystery.
What are you trying to do here?