Reggie Who? :: SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board

Hey MHADI,

I wanted to take a shot at your script. I see it has been here few a few days and not reviewed so here goes.

As with any good craft, you must first start with the right materials. With writing scripts, it is the proper software. I’m not saying that WORD does not work, but in order to get a correct format, you should consider a script writing program. There are many to choose from but there also some that are free. CLTX is one of the free ones. I’ve been writing now for two years and still use it. No complaints.

Now to the formatting of the story. The format is a general set of rules that are kind of an industry standard when writing a script. 12 point courier, I see you have done. Other format standards also apply. Lets start with page one.

YOU WROTE-
Two young men lay around a cheap bachelor inspired decorative basement. Two-to-three day old fast food, trash, liquor bottles and other miscellaneous objects lay scattered about the area.

When writing, remember to ONLY write what the roaming lens see’s. Show it only! Here is a good example-
Two-to-three day old fast food
AND-
other miscellaneous objects

In both of those examples, you are not explaining what the lens is seeing. The lens cannot date food and it doesn’t know what a miscellaneous object is.

Another great practice is to be descriptive in your characters when introducing them. You do a good job here but it is a bit awkwardly phrased.

A young man, Danny Wilkins (24)

Could be a great opportunity for you to introduce us to your first player in this script. We know he is young by his age, so that’s not necessary.

Instead, tell us a bit about him. Maybe,

DANNY WILKINS, 24, permanent smirk on his face. Also, you want to CAPITALIZE your characters when first introducing them. Again- formatting.

This paragraph also shows us a couple of other things we can learn from. In action blocks, you want to keep them around three lines, four, max. The intent is to keep the reader flowing down the page without having to absorb a lot of action before moving on to the dialog.

Here is another good example of how to “tighten” up an action block in order for it to be a quick read.

You wrote-
With the laptop in his lap he views online dating profiles and plays loud music while sipping from his glass.

You can clean this up and make it a fast read by simply rewriting it with-

Loud music plays while Danny surfs dating sites on his laptop.

Almost an entire line removed and the same point gets across.

What I would like to do at this point is give you a chance to respond and see if you might have any questions at this point and if you want, we can continue from there.

Sound good?

I look forward to hearing from you, welcome to the boards.

Take care!

Shawn…..><