Payer Fedris - A Gothic Dream Tax by Sandra El. Watson (sandra elstree) - Short, Gothic Horror - When a poor boy replaces his dreams with forbidden knowledge, he dreams the most expensive dream of all. 12 pages, 17 characters, Hard R Rating - pdf, format

Whom rever wrote this has a supberb grasp of the English language. But, at the same time, I can't call it well written. This story doesn't propel me towards the end. I begin to get lost in it almost immediately. Won't even fathom a guess as to what it's about. Will wait til the writer chimes in later. Picked the wrong script to read with a saturday morning buzz.

Fairly sure I know who wrote this. Good job completing an OWC...

James

The writer has visionary flashes and shares them with his audience in this script. A times they are powerful and intriguing, at times they are confusing. And that is probably the effect the writer is after anyway, so I can't fault it.

In this script is presented the case both for and against asides. For example, I read "he looks through them(special glasses) to see dreams." It's an aside, as we don't at first see the dreams. But a moment later we do see them, so the aside ends up being helpful.

I would like to see the strong and imaginary scenes congeal over time, with successive rewrites, so that this world crystallizes into something a little more clear. Off to a good start, just keep playing with it.

Read this one.

Okay this is a wild, yet interesting take on the OWC! At times I got a Hary Potter Vibe out of it, at others something Tim Burtonish lol.

Not exactly sure what the plot was but it would no doubt make an intersting visual.

Good Job on completing it!

I think this is out of my league, it's a difficult read, I can tell it's well written but I can't put myself into it because of the surrealism of it all.
It wore me out, it thought it was above me and was just too pretentious to enjoy.
I am a reader of simple needs and this tried to give me too much.

Sandra..... such a wonderful gift for the language.

Gothic Horror?    Doubt it.

Theme: Couldn't honestly say.

Every time I read your stuff, I wonder why you don't just tone your stuff down into simple stories where people can just revel in your imagination. It's always so inaccesible, and yet so rich.

Well said, Rick. She blows me away with powerful and original images, but it's often like a vivid dream that I can't fully remember. This one was really close to coming together, like maybe a few more days would have done the trick.

This tale has a ghost, and I can’t understand much beyond that.
This feels more West Hollywood than gothic.
Your script reads more like a poem, very abstract at times.
I’m out to lunch on this one.
You certainly have a decent grasp of format.
I grasped at threads of a story, but lost them.
Thanks for playing OWC.

Regards,
E.D.

It was a difficult read, I was lost several times and still will have to go back and read to figure it out.

Wonderful images and, at times, elegant writing. But you want too much. So much that I get lost in your world, and not in a good way.

Oh Sandra...you know I love ya...but...well...I'm not going to be bale to get past page 2 here.  Too whacky for me.  Too out there.  Too...too much.  Sorry.

Like mostly everyone I got lost and couldn't go on. Sorry. Too many characters. Too many abstract images.... I know it won't help much, but that's how I felt it....

Love the title - but I have to admit - I couldn't really follow the story.  It's wildly fanciful - reminds me a bit of Tim Burton on acid (I do mean that in a good way...)  One thing I can say - the writing's definitely solid.  Clean, crisp and well structured.

Think I'll have to sit down with this script later, with a glass of wine...and really give it some thought.

Cheers and congrats on the OWC!  

I really liked the opening.  It definately set a mood in me.  I wouldn't mind reading some of your poems.

I didn't become confused right away as to what was happening, but I did get lost after a little bit.  Just a little too much to track and keep straight.  The language is colorful and, like I said, when I'm in the mood, I would probably really get into your poetry.

I thought the hard R rating would keep my attention a little bit longer, but I soon got hopelessly lost.  (Just for the record, I chose to read this one only because of the title.  I didn't find out about the hard R rating until after the fact.)

Which begs the question.  Who decided what the ratings were?  Was it a question asked when the scripts were submitted?

- Mark

Hello ??

Wow, that was hard work. Tax on dreams! This has deep potential but I just wish it was more accessible.

I appreciate it must be a challenge not to write as you want but for me i feel I would appreciate the subtlies and matters raised  more intensely with less "noise", if that makes sense.

All the best.