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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Short Scripts  ›  The Caverns Moderators: bert
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  Author    The Caverns  (currently 905 views)
Don
Posted: November 15th, 2011, 6:49pm Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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The Caverns by James R. Hickey (misery) - Short, Adventure - When a war-hardened Captain’s failed escape crash lands him into the jagged mountains, things go from bad to worse as he is forced to escape into the caverns above. - html, format


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Forgive
Posted: December 20th, 2011, 12:55pm Report to Moderator
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Let The Sky Fall

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Sorry. Just couldn't figure this at all. You have a nice writing style - good for scripts. Your formatting is generally good (IMO). But then you make all these wierd elementary mistakes:

Is 'Germany 1934' supposed to appear in writing on the screen?

There is only silence, when buzzing engines cut in.
isn't is-
There is only silence. Then buzzing engines cut in.

You cap the air raid noise, but not the engine noise?

INT. PROP PLANE - DAWN. Huh? Which plane is this? Where did it come from? Is this the prototype plane?

You've given MAC a name but not the pilot?

And who the hell is MAC!!!

EXT. SNOWY MOUNTAINS - DAWN
followed by
EXT. SNOWY MOUNTAINS - MORNING
and we carry on the same scene..?

It should have been much better than this, as you appear to have crafted some skills - I don't know why you missed so much. Re-read & rewrite, maybe?
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dogglebe
Posted: December 20th, 2011, 2:46pm Report to Moderator
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The author joined the boards just before his script was posted, yet he hasn't posted once in all this time.  

I wouldn't spend too much time on this script.


Phil

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dogglebe  -  December 20th, 2011, 7:11pm
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