SimplyScripts Discussion Board
Blog Home - Produced Movie Script Library - TV Scripts - Unproduced Scripts - Contact - Site Map
ScriptSearch
Welcome, Guest.
It is May 26th, 2019, 11:36am
Please login or register.
Was Portal Recent Posts Home Help Calendar Search Register Login
If you wish to join this discussion board, please send me a message. Please do read the guidelines that govern behavior on the discussion board. It will make for a much more pleasant experience for everyone. A word about SimplyScripts and Censorship


Scripts Studios are posting for award consideration
The Writers' Tournament is back...


The Beginners Guide to the SimplyScripts Discussion Board (WIP)


Yes, I am running script reviews, again...

Short Script of the Day | Featured Script of the Month | Featured Short Scripts Available for Production | Submit Your Script

How do I get my film's link and banner here?
All screenplays on the simplyscripts.com and simplyscripts.net domain are copyrighted to their respective authors. All rights reserved. This screenplaymay not be used or reproduced for any purpose including educational purposes without the expressed written permission of the author.
Forum Login
Username: Create a new Account
Password:     Forgot Password

SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Short Scripts  ›  Bruja Moderators: bert
Users Browsing Forum
No Members and 3 Guests

 Pages: 1
Recommend Print
  Author    Bruja  (currently 945 views)
Don
Posted: November 21st, 2011, 7:49pm Report to Moderator
Administrator
Administrator


So, what are you writing?

Location
Virginia
Posts
12993
Posts Per Day
1.94
Bruja by Benjamin Pearce - Short, Horror - Set in 1979, Natalie Wright is a troubled teenage girl who is unable to get over the death of her parents, who were murdered in their house over a year ago. She lives with her two friends in an apartment across town from her old house. However, she slowly starts to become drawn to the house. After she goes and looks around in her old house, she discovers her parents were part of a coven of witches and were murdered by the notorious Warlock Stills, a witch hunter hired by witches to kill witches, after the parents murdered the powerful and infamous Sirena Quaid for using her powers for evil. Now the spirit of Sirena Quaid wants Natalie's soul so she can live again. However, not only does she have to save her soul, she has to save her life when the coven of Wiccan worshipers discover she knows about her parents and want her dead to keep the Covenant remaining a secret to the world. 66 pages - pdf, format


Visit SimplyScripts.com for what is new on the site.


-------------
You will miss 100% of the shots you don't take.
- Wayne Gretzky
Logged
Site Private Message
TheSecond
Posted: November 21st, 2011, 8:51pm Report to Moderator
Been around a while


The surface is home to the mindless. Go deep.

Posts
121
Posts Per Day
0.04
Its a log LINE, not a log ESSAY.  That's all I have at the moment...  
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 1 - 7
albinopenguin
Posted: November 22nd, 2011, 11:18am Report to Moderator
Regular


I got dipping sticks.

Location
Los Angeles
Posts
789
Posts Per Day
0.20
read page 1 and this is riddled with mistakes.

first, you're not a member of the boards. so i'm not sure if you'll ever read this (hence why I'm not going past page one).

a few pointers

eliminate your -ing words

get rid of the camera angles

work on character descriptions. they're awful.

strengthen your opening scene. its super cliched.

descriptors should never exceed 4 lines

tighten your descriptors

and thats as far as I'm going to go. i feel like this is the tenth script i've commented on where the writer is absent and he/she is making beginner mistakes.


Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 2 - 7
Conz
Posted: November 22nd, 2011, 11:29am Report to Moderator
Been around a while



Posts
317
Posts Per Day
0.10
I tried, until I got to "School's out, bitches!"  I'm sorry, the whole "bitches," thing fills me with rage every time I hear it.

penguin pretty much covered the rest.

66 pages is way too long btw... or too short.  

Your title page says "Written and Directed"  have you filmed this already?


I'd list my "work" here, but I don't know how to hyperlink.  

"Career" Highlights
-I have a single credit on my IMDB page.  
-One time a fairly prominent producer e-mailed me back.  
-I have almost made $1000 with my writing!
-I've won 2 mugs... and a thong.  (polaroids of me in thong available for $10 through PM)

@vc_wg - because I crave attention
Logged
Private Message Reply: 3 - 7
BenjaminPearce
Posted: May 17th, 2012, 9:53am Report to Moderator
New-ish


Director.

Location
Pennsylvania
Posts
18
Posts Per Day
0.01
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UIGtDeXWVOk

Teaser trailer for the upcoming occult/supernatural horror feature film "Bruja" written & Directed by Benjamin Pearce.

Benjamin Pearce's
"BRUJA"

Set in 1979, Natalie Wright is a troubled teenage girl who is unable to get over the death of her parents, who were murdered in their house over a year ago. She lives with her two friends in an apartment across town from her old house. However, she slowly starts to become drawn to the house. After she goes and looks around in her old house, she discovers her parents were part of a coven of witches and were murdered by the notorious Warlock Stills, a witch hunter hired by witches to kill witches, after the parents murdered the powerful and infamous Sirena Quaid for using her powers for evil. Now the spirit of Sirena Quaid wants Natalie's soul so she can live again. However, not only does she have to save her soul, she has to save her life when the coven of Wiccan worshipers discover she knows about her parents and want her dead to keep the Covenant remaining a secret to the world.

Courtney Bergman- Natalie Wright
Brianne Varljen- Taylor Jenson
Tayler MacCready- Rachael Ward
Ashlyn Smilowitz- Zoe Dawn
Josh Boyer- Kyle Haze
Julie McBride- The Witch/ Sirena Quaid
Ajay Sea- Librarian
Josh Lockwood- The Watcher
Matthew Pearce- Rodney Wright
Debbi Pearce- Christine Wright
Hunter Pataski- Warlock Stills
Kate Nelson- Jodie Hills


Written & Directed by
Benjamin Pearce

Soundtrack

"Hey You"
Pink Floyd

"School's Out"
Alice Cooper

"You Are Experienced"
Jimi Hendrix

"Helter Skelter"
The Beatles

"The Prodigal Sun"
The Black Angles

"El Paso"
Marty Robbins

"Witchy Woman"
The Eagles

"Suspicious Minds"
Elvis Presley

"The End of the World"
Skeeter Davis

"Superstition"
Stevie Wonder

"My Generation"
The who

"Strange Brew"
Cream

"Somebody to Love"
Jefferson Airplane

"I got my Eye on You"
The Brian Jonestown Massacre

"Burn the Witch"
Queens of the Stone Age

(C) Copyright Cigarette Burn Entertainment LLC


A PEARCE BROS. FILM
ADRENALINE
"Cool Apocalypse, Bro."
AUGUST 2013

http://benjaminpearcefilms.wix.com/adrenaline
Logged Offline
Site Private Message Reply: 4 - 7
albinopenguin
Posted: May 17th, 2012, 12:04pm Report to Moderator
Regular


I got dipping sticks.

Location
Los Angeles
Posts
789
Posts Per Day
0.20
Mr Pearce,

Looks like you joined a year ago and only posted 14 times. Shame on you sir.

For some odd reason, I feel like I've seen this trailer before. I think you've posted it already.

Needless to say, I highly doubt you have the rights to use all those songs. Given the quality of your film, I can confidently say that this was not a big budget production.

Why the "red band" trailer?

Is that strawberry jelly? Honestly, ketchup would have looked better.

WHY IN GOD'S NAME DID YOU NOT USE A TRIPOD???

Wait, is this film coming out on Christmas or in January? I await with baited breath.

Kudos to you if you're in high school. Seriously, a decent effort at a young age. However if you're in college, well, you might want to switch to a business major instead.

Now go buy a g odamn tripod.


Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 5 - 7
Mehdoh
Posted: May 17th, 2012, 5:59pm Report to Moderator
New-ish



Posts
55
Posts Per Day
0.02
I read a few pages of it and, no offense, the dialogue is horrible. It seems like you're really interested in film and being a part of the industry which is great. But since you seem to be such a hands on kind of guy, why not stick with the directing? In my experience, it seems that if someone is writing, producing, directing, editing, whatever else-ing a film, the film goes to crud. It's important to have multiple people working on projects with various points of view to point out flaws or offer up new ideas. Let others do the writing or at least have someone critique and refine the writing before shooting it.

I'm new here so I may be wrong, but isn't this section for unproduced scripts? If you already produced it yourself, I don't really see the why you posted it here. But maybe I'm wrong.
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 6 - 7
Heretic
Posted: May 17th, 2012, 7:44pm Report to Moderator
Old Timer



Location
Burnaby, British Columbia, Canada
Posts
1705
Posts Per Day
0.31
Ben,

Mad props on finishing a feature.  The difference between a filmmaker and the rest of the world is, filmmakers make films.  (The rest of the world, perhaps, complain that the filmmakers did it wrong).

Gotta echo Penguin in suggesting that you not use music that you don't have the rights to (or for that matter, the MPAA red band if your film hasn't been rated).  That sorta thing tends to put your film in a certain category, and since everything else in the film is the product of your hard and original work, that's a category you don't wanna be in.  Plus, the classic rock singles lineup is a little obvious, don'tcha think?

Some of those frames are striking and some of 'em just look lazy.  Even if you don't have much time, never hurts to at least compose well.  Y'know, thirds 'n' that.

Clear that you put all sorts of effort into this.  Nice job.  Perhaps we'll see it, sometime...


Logged Offline
Site Private Message Reply: 7 - 7
 Pages: 1
Recommend Print

Locked Board Board Index    Short Scripts  [ previous | next ] Switch to:
Was Portal Recent Posts Home Help Calendar Search Register Login

Forum Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post polls
You may not post attachments
HTML is on
Blah Code is on
Smilies are on


Powered by E-Blah Platinum 9.71B © 2001-2006