Chad Briggs, Monster Hunter by Ryan Lee (ryan1) - Short, Comedy - A renowned monster hunter encounters his most dangerous prey. 7 pages - pdf, format

Fun story, Ryan. Nothing more to add to that. I enjoyed it. Perfect length, too. Make some mistakes or something so I'll have more to say! JK, nice work.

Thanks, Kev.  This was my entry for the moviepoet contest back in October.  

It was great story, and I hope what I'm gonna say you won't misunderstand. In that part when we scan down the cages with the various monsters, I couldn't help thinking you should put the Geico neanderthal in the last cage. That would make a truly awesome commercial, you could probably make cash for that!

Again, that's not a knock, the story was flawless. That just ran through my head for some reason. Subliminal advertising, I guess. I'm seeing the world in Geico skits.

I liked this, it's a cool little script and I dug the hobo actually being a real monster.

Hey Ryan, you already know I loved this. Actually, I think this is a touch of class. Funny, a good flow, nice reveals, enjoyable twists etc etc. A lot for five pages.

It seems that comedy is almost the most difficult to get others to like on these boards, so I think your position on MP in a horror comp shows what you achieved.

Have you  added an extra para at the end?

the more I think about it, the more I think this character has potential outside of a short. Almost a touch of ghostbusters/men in black about it.

All the best.

Hey Ryan,

I like seeing you try your hand at a comedic touch.
This has an Ace Ventura vibe to it that works.
The "lame duck" humor plays nicely into the hunting material.

The script feels more like a feature opener, than a completed short.
And I can see why you would put this out as a "feeler" for the character.

Which for me, is the only area that's lacking a bit.
As breezy and amusing as the story is, I don't get a sense of who Chad is.
The quips help, but there's nothing about them germane to his character.

If this guy is "talking" to you, I'd consider expansion. Nice work.

Regards,
E.D.

Dig this a lot, b/c I've always wanted to write something similar, just focusing more on the Sasquatch types, and not the Vampire/werewolf types.  Cryptozoologist.  I actually have about 4 pages written up with a very basic story outline, but it's not something I'll write anytime soon.

I was a bit disappointed when a vampire showed up, only b/c of the oversaturation of them at the moment, but I liked how you handled it.

Plan on finishing this?  I'd read another 80 pages of this no problem.

Yeah, this is good.  It does not make a tremendous impact as a stand-alone piece, but you do successfully introduce a character that demands more, so no small feat.

An "Ace Ventura" type springs to mind immediately -- but for that angle, you need to inject a little more silly and a little more raunch.  To that end, I would recommend "titties" as opposed to "tits" -- which is advice that I would never have imagined myself giving on these boards -- but there you go.

The homeless guy is an excellent touch, and as you go about introducing monsters nobody has even heard of before (including Chad, apparently) the possibilities seem nearly endless.  So less of the vampires and werewolves and more of the unique stuff seems like a good recipe.

Good luck with this if you carry it forward.  I think your guy needs a better name, though.  For a first name, I kind of like Casper, which carries a bit of irony right from the get-go.

i'd also consider changing the title.  not because it doesnt get the point across, but i have a feeling that if i typed "Monster Hunter" into imdb, I'd get a bunch of results.

actually doing that and reporting my findings would probably help, but im lazy.

Quoted from Reef Dreamer Hey Ryan, you already know I loved this. Actually, I think this is a touch of class. Funny, a good flow, nice reveals, enjoyable twists etc etc. A lot for five pages. It seems that comedy is almost the most difficult to get others to like on these boards, so I think your position on MP in a horror comp shows what you achieved. Have you  added an extra para at the end? the more I think about it, the more I think this character has potential outside of a short. Almost a touch of ghostbusters/men in black about it. All the best.

Reef,

Yeah, I added that extra scene at the end, just because I wanted to end on Chad.  Ran out of space because of the five page rule in the contest.  

Quoted from Electric Dreamer Hey Ryan, I like seeing you try your hand at a comedic touch. This has an Ace Ventura vibe to it that works. The "lame duck" humor plays nicely into the hunting material. The script feels more like a feature opener, than a completed short. And I can see why you would put this out as a "feeler" for the character. Which for me, is the only area that's lacking a bit. As breezy and amusing as the story is, I don't get a sense of who Chad is. The quips help, but there's nothing about them germane to his character. If this guy is "talking" to you, I'd consider expansion. Nice work. Regards, E.D.

Brett,

Thanks for taking a look at this.  Hadn't thought about the Ace Ventura similarities, but now that you mention it, I see it.  I wrote this one in an awful hurry as I only found out about the contest on the last day I could enter.  So, I didn't have time to delve into the character as much as I wanted, especially in five pages.  

Chad, as I saw him, is an egomaniac who never backs down from his supernatural prey.  This is why I thought the banter with the vampire was germane to his character.  Chad's an arrogant a-hole, in many ways as dangerous as the monsters he hunts.

But I agree that the piece has the feel of an opener.  I actually think this guy might make for a good animated series.  

Quoted from Conz Dig this a lot, b/c I've always wanted to write something similar, just focusing more on the Sasquatch types, and not the Vampire/werewolf types.  Cryptozoologist.  I actually have about 4 pages written up with a very basic story outline, but it's not something I'll write anytime soon. I was a bit disappointed when a vampire showed up, only b/c of the oversaturation of them at the moment, but I liked how you handled it. Plan on finishing this?  I'd read another 80 pages of this no problem.

Conz, thanks for reading.  The rules of the contest were that one of the characters had to be a vampire, zombie or mummy.  So, vampire seemed like a natural choice, as the other two monsters aren't really known for their witty banter.  

Not sure if I'm gonna come back to this one, but I do like the lead character.  Personally, I think it might work best as a series of animated shorts.

Very fun.  Very tight.  Very well written.  No jeopardy.  I'd love to see Chad faced with real peril.  This guy and his world have a feature in 'em for sure.

Quoted from bert Yeah, this is good.  It does not make a tremendous impact as a stand-alone piece, but you do successfully introduce a character that demands more, so no small feat. An "Ace Ventura" type springs to mind immediately -- but for that angle, you need to inject a little more silly and a little more raunch.  To that end, I would recommend "titties" as opposed to "tits" -- which is advice that I would never have imagined myself giving on these boards -- but there you go. The homeless guy is an excellent touch, and as you go about introducing monsters nobody has even heard of before (including Chad, apparently) the possibilities seem nearly endless.  So less of the vampires and werewolves and more of the unique stuff seems like a good recipe. Good luck with this if you carry it forward.  I think your guy needs a better name, though.  For a first name, I kind of like Casper, which carries a bit of irony right from the get-go.

Thanks for checking it out, Bert.  Hmm, "tits" or "titties"....tough call there.  These are the questions that keep us up at night.  I felt I made this about as silly as I could while still keeping the undercurrent of horror that was necessary for the contest.  In the original script I entered, there was a line Chad had about assembling these monsters for a "crypto-zoo" he was going to open.  But, I decided to chop it out of this version because it was just too expositional.  But if I ever do take this feature length, I might make this zoo idea the central plot.

Casper?  Not sure about that one.  I didn't see Chad as a ghost hunter.  More like a guy you'd see hanging out at the Bass pro shop.

Thanks again,

Ryan