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Tools by Rebekah Hay (rdhay) - Short, Comedy - A pen and notepad come to realize that they are only any good together, and even then… 3 pages - pdf, format
This was a cute piece, Rebekah. Unfortunately, it fell a little short for me. The dialog between the pen and paper was a little too direct. On the nose. I think if you added another half page of dialog--some banter--I would've felt for for the characters.
I'm sure in the other thread there was discussion about the title. I think I like the old one better
I'd list my "work" here, but I don't know how to hyperlink.
"Career" Highlights -2, count em, 2 credits on my IMDB page. -One time a fairly prominent producer e-mailed me back. -I have made more than $1000 with my writing! -I've won 2 mugs... and a thong. (polaroids of me in thong available for $10 through PM)
You could have just submitted this under the title pen pals and let Don know this is a revised version.
Gabe
Just Murdered by Sean Elwood (Zombie Sean) and Gabriel Moronta (Mr. Ripley) - (Dark Comedy, Horror) All is fair in love and war. A hopeless romantic gay man resorts to bloodshed to win the coveted position of Bridesmaid. 99 pages. https://www.simplyscripts.net/cgi-bin/Blah/Blah.pl?b-comedy/m-1624410571/
Sorry Rebekah, not too fond of this rewrite. i liked the old title better. as dogglebe mentioned, the dialogue is a bit too direct. it doesnt read well for some reason and feels rushed.
if i were you, id leave this alone for 2 weeks. then come back and take it in an entirely new direction. furthermore, the fan still doesnt talk so i'd try experimenting with his character. perhaps the pen and notepad could gang up on the fan because he's old and weathered...but reliable. or something along those lines. make use of an object that will NEVER be replaced by technology. like a screwdriver for example.