The Gawking Dead by Vin Conzo (conzo) - Short, Comedy - Two supporting characters narrate the action of TV's worst show. 11 pages - pdf, format

Hey Vin.

Great script you got here. A few formatting issues here and there but nothing too big.

From the title and the logline it seems that you were trying to degrade The Walking Dead in some way. I haven't watched the series but it is on my list of shows/movies to watch. I think you did a great job with this because, looking at your script it seems the show is fairly slow.

The script was funny but not laugh out loud hilarious. I think it needed a little more push to make it funnier and ultimately all of the dialogue lead to nothing at the end. I know that was the point of the story but maybe the zombies could've had some breakthrough by the last page. Saying that, don't take the dialogue away because it was still funny and made me chuckle but maybe make a little progress with their objective.

The ending wasn't bad but I think you needed something to just give that last laugh at the end of any comedic movie. Maybe have it like

"You'll never get me fuckers!" Preston tries to run but still moves at zombie pace.

That is the best I could think of at this moment so maybe you have something a little better .

But overall, I really did enjoy this script. It was nicely written and I did grow an attachment to the zombies so well done.

On another note, what made you write this script? Was it the boredom you faced while watching the tv show or something entirely different? Anyway, hope to hear from you soon  

its just the worst show.  i watch it as a comedy, and ive found that it's much better than way.  as someone who isn't a professional writer, i want to say "the writing is awful," but that would be hypocritical, and I'd give my pinky toe to write on that staff... but yea, just an extremely crappy, overrated show... that i love to pieces.

you'd get all the references if you watched it

As a person who watches the show, I laughed here and there. I think you're a bit too harsh on it though. This is definitely just an exercise piece to get your frustration with the show out in the open. I think it could have been done a bit more creatively, but the two zombies bantering with each other gave me a chuckle or two.

Hey Vin,

I laughed at the "These people moan and groan more than we do" line. Classic.
Sketch worthy material. Maybe have the zombies pull up lawn chairs.

I like referencing the tubby walker in the well.
The ripped what integrity the show had left in half at that well, IMO.

LOL! "I miss real TV". Nice.
This has a Funny or Die website kind of vibe.
I think if you tightened it up, it might fly on a site like that!

Regards,
E.D.

I do like the show but everything i see wrong with it was pretty well explained to me by these two trustworthy zombie critics. I am thinking they should have their own late night review show, the pair really work well together.  You would see them decaying more as the shows went on.

I think this is clever, well written in most parts and gave me a few laughs along the way. The boardwalk line my pick the bunch.  Good work with this, I liked it.

Maybe you could find a way to bring these two back next year for the second half of the season, I might even read it before I watch it, just a thought.
All the best.

Steve

i should have waited until the "mid season finale" to write this.

40 minutes of absolute snoozefest, then the "awesome!" (i thought it was lame) final 5 minutes.  I can't believe people love this show.

I mean, no drama has ever had a talk show to discuss it afterwards, and this one gets one?

sorry, mini-rant over.  thanks for reading.

I'd gladly write more, and I'm sure there will plenty of horrible things to write about in the 2nd half of the season.

I'm surprised at how good this was for what is essentially a parody. Very subtle, well written and many of the lines could be read multiple ways. I particularly liked how the zombies could be read both as viewers of the show and actual zombies without necessarily having to commit to one or the other. You clearly put a lot of thought into this when it really wasn't necessary. I mean it is basically just a jab.

That said, I felt the script went on for way too long and lost it's momentum about halfway through. Given the story, maybe that was your intention. I guess it's effective, in a way, but just not merited. Again, just a jab.

The payoff was nice though.

Anyway, thanks for a bit of fun. Sincerely, very good.

i was gonna keep going just to make the reader think "God, this is monotonous, when will it end?  ohh that line was funny, ok im back, nope boring again."  as a parallel to the show.  Then, I realized no one would continue reading.

I opened a word document, and in 15 minutes, and I'm not kidding, I jotted down everything i found stupid about this show, this could have went on for 20 more pages.

as a former fan of the show (and an avid fan of the comic book), i decided to check this one out.

from the get go, didnt like that this was written by "a hater." that doesnt tell the audience anything and hinders your credit IMO

"they try to decipher who she is with a focused eye" - tells more than it shows.

at the half way mark. i'm beginning to feel like your characters are simply asking questions. why does this happen? why does that happen? but the viewer's of the show have been asking these questions all along. so this is nothing new to them. it would be more unique (and clever) if you came up with witty responses to these questions

the bit with dale and andrea kind of works, but kind of doesnt considering he DOES do andrea in the comics haha the whole, "is andrea hot" debate is pretty funny but way too short. feel like you missed out on a clever rant about a post apocalyptic hot meter.

wouldnt classify Meryl as Rambo. maybe Larry the Cable guy, but Rambo's not quite accurate. then again they start talking about Meryl two seconds later as though he's a new character. i would make this flow a bit more.

loved the boardwalk bit. clever clever. in fact, there are a TON of better shows you could be referencing in this script. i would even add something in about hell on wheels or the talking dead since AMC's ramming those d icks down our throats these days

ending fell a little flat. in fact, these whole script seemed more like a commentary rather than an actual story/sketch. there really isnt a beginning, middle, or end. you could mix up all the sequences and it could make as much sense.

overall...i liked it. there's a lot of potential here, but it needs to be refined. as previously mentioned, fans of the show have been asking these questions from the start. outsiders would find this to be the funniest...except it wouldnt make any sense because they dont watch the show. this sketch is intended for the casual viewer (ie my girlfriend who always whines when we have to watch it).

furthermore time is against you. this sketch is SO specific that it will be outdated in a few months after season 2 picks up. i would turn this into a 5 minute (no longer) webseries. heck, you could even do one after each episode. but it has to be sharp. no asking questions. instead make up scenerios which reveal the show's lunacy.

i hope this helps! really funny writing that just needs a little push

i just noticed your reply albino, once again, very thorough

This is in no way something I would pursue beyond where it is right now.  It's a goof in script form.  sure, I think it would be funny to see on film, but I'm not going out of my way to attempt that.  Consider this my substitution for a whiney blog post, so it is specific, it is instantly dated, and I doubt I'm ever gonna re-write it, I have other things to work on.  I just though "fans" of this show would get a kick out of the zombie character's perspective on the Walking Dead.

I've also never read the comic book, and never will b/c I find the zombie genre repetitive and played out (except Shaun of the Dead, the GOAT)

Not really sure why I watched this show in the first place, but i hate it so much, and have so much fun hating it, im in for the long haul.


This all being said -- I have a feeling I'll be writing another one after this next half season