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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Short Scripts  ›  beans Moderators: bert
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Don
Posted: December 24th, 2011, 2:42pm Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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beans by Anthony Wood - Drama - After a spell in prison, Paul is reunited with Simon.  They make a vow to go straight, but within seven days, their plans and their worlds fall apart. 61 pages - pdf, format


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Forgive
Posted: December 29th, 2011, 8:03pm Report to Moderator
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Let The Sky Fall

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Bit long for a short??

Full name are better when introducing a character.

Numbers generally used with a shooting script - not needed in a spec script.

p5 - might need a: Series of shots.

Got to pages 10, and it was very slow - there was only really two insights:

the guys being romantically linked, and Simon saying that Amy would run a mile if she knew about him. But that may be down to him possibly being gay.

I kind of wondered why he was in prison, but there's no suggestion this is central to the script.

I think you could have played some of this via a montage - would have given the same info, but moved things along more consisely, and would have given you a chance to give us some idea what the point was.

Fairly well written overall, but some of the dialogue, I felt, was a little over wordy - maybe just a trim here and there.
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