Two Spirit by Gregorio Davila - Drama - The European settlers called them BERDACHE; native boys who at puberty decide to take on the dress and status of a female. Believed to embody both the spirit of a male and a female, they were highly revered within their tribes as wise shamans, but considered obscene by the white settlers who encountered them. This story follows two young boys in their attempt to survive after being taken from their homes and put into an unfamiliar society which is trying to assimilate them. 91 pages - pdf, format

Hi Gregorio.

Nicely written overall.

Some of the parantheticals need to be pulled out to action lines.

No real issues with the formatting - the read was relatively slow, but then that will fit with the feel of the film, which was thoughtful.

Characters were engaging, and well balanced.

Probably deserves a full read - end to end - I'll do that if you want me to.

Thank you for taking the time to read and comment.Not sure how far along you got, the comment on my characters being engaging is particularly flattering. Most who have read it do find it a little slow going until the second act. Thanks again.

Hi Gregorio.
The story seems to be good, but I just read ten pages yet. Looking forward to reading more. For now I found this things which are not clear to me:
page1- Middle aged. You wrote middled aged. It is also not clear in the first description if SHASHIMA is man or woman.
Aunt's dialog where I think you ment  AS A BOY.
page 2- when you say Zuni eye them it seems that Zuni is a person. I think that is because you did not mention Zuni as people earlier. I might got that wrong.

Overall draft and structure is good. Much better than my stuff.
Have a nice one.  

Thanks again. I'll address your  questions:
I purposefully did not state Sha'shima's gender because of the nature of he being and the story. I was trying to leave it ambiguous because of the subject matter. I found it difficult when writing this at addressing the Berdache as male or female because biologically they were male but lived as female; which in turn can confuse the reader, but I don't think would confuse the viewer as long as it is handled properly. I think a lot of people who read this are confused and tend to not finish it, making the assumption that it is poorly written and confusing (in regards to gender assignment in it's characters)

Good point on the ZUNI observation. I should mention that this is a Zuni pueblo beforehand.

Thanks again. Maybe we should read each others and provide feedback?

Hi. Grigorio.
I think as a writer we need to get our story read. That is the most important at this stage. Director will fegure that out for the viewer. So why not make him a male with female closes or vice versa. Or something like that. I mean you don't want that part to block your story.

Hi Grigorio.
This time I eead up to page 50 and here are what I think you need to duble check:
p-23 Kwishidi's dialog should be - although not all though IMO.
p-25 Shashima's dialog should be in subtitles for there is nobody to translate. In fact everytime their dialog among themselves should be in (subtitles) Inside parantheticals.
Don't put camera directions IMO.
When General shoots the kid and the kid is laying down. You wrote "He know he will dies" Just put -S- so he knows.
p-47 Lady teacher grabs him by the hair, but their heads are shaved or cut short. I might got that wrong.
That is it for now. I will do some more reading soon and get back.

Hope it helps
Jahongir.