Late Life Crisis by Jeffrey Bruno (jeffjb91) - Short, Comedy - An elderly man grows tired of his old lady. He goes out seeking new, sexy women.  9 pages - pdf, format

Hi Jeffrey,

I really liked this and it put a big smile on my face.

I couldn't help but feel for Lawrence, the poor old bugger. His wife sounded like a real joyless wonder. I'm sure a lot of men can empathise with the whole card/playboy scenario, I know I can as a younger bloke....

Love the Suede suit and Fedora too, perfect for an old man of 80'ish.

I found it really easy to visualise it too.



Kip.

Hi I think this is cute, although the ending felt a bit flat for me, partly because I wasn't really sure what the genre was and partly because the pacing slowed down too much. I think it could work, but maybe just tweaking the final scene a bit so the tension makes it pop, rather than gradually deflate...if that makes sense.

Also, the action lines were a bit dense at times. I think you could probably break them up more to keep a good pace and also make for an easy read.

Good job, though I'd be happy to read the rewrite.

Hey Jeffery

I liked the story of this one, it was executed quite well, my only vice would be the formatting. When you put a characters age in brackets, it should be (80) not (80s). Producers will get the gist of what age the character is supposed to be, and unless it is directly mentioned in the screenplay, it just helps to make it look more professional.

As I have said with many others, the first page of a screenplay is supposed to look something like this: http://www.screenaustralia.gov.au/documents/SA_publications/IG/SuggScriptLayout.pdf

Have fun tweaking it (looks like yours doesn't need as much tweaking as others!).

i think every married man can relate to Lawrence on some level....God knows i know i can.

not really much to add...though i felt like this was part of a larger story and the ending needs a better punchline.

its fairly obvious early on the girls are leading him on....but i was expecting/hoping for a twist when the story ended.

i feel like maybe Lawrence needs to get the last laugh in this story... maybe with Tanya? i dunno just my opinion.

The script has a few funny moments, but it unfortunately didn't work for me. I just found the storyline unbelievable, which might have been the point.

Some questions I had include:  how could the girls tell where the old man was looking if they're in a SUV, why would the girls give this guy any of their time anyway, why would the guy essentially buy a bunch of the same copies of Playboy.

I think you need to cut some of the descriptions as well.  Don't want to be too negative, just my two cents.