Condition of Return by John Spare (john1988d198 - Thriller, Suspense - Guilty of mass murder a young elementary teacher must convince a failed psychologist she is sane in order to receive the death penalty. 104 pages - pdf, format

Hi John - this is quite nicely written - it made me wonder if this was a novel that you are turning into a script?

A lot of it is actually written like a novel - with the exception of the dialogue making it look something like a script - and the occasional scene heading (you miss acouple of them).

I read to page twelve - which kind of suprised me - but I quite liked the way you drew Dr Thomas (would have liked a first name, though) - he's clearly flawed, and has issues himself - I guess these will be explored in the script - and I do mean explored: At 139 pages - I don't expect this to skip on depth.

So, going forward - the script needs breaking down somewhat - there are a number of things that can't be filmed - the way people are thinking etc. The paragraphs could be broken down into smaller blocks and maybe given a stronger focus on the immediately visual.

There's potential here - but I think it needs to be more 'script-like' than 'novel-like'.

Simon