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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Action/Adventure Scripts  ›  Earth A New Awakening Moderators: bert
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  Author    Earth A New Awakening  (currently 1773 views)
Don
Posted: February 14th, 2012, 6:23pm Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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Earth A New Awakening by Sean O'Brien - Action, Adventure - a group of people from earth who operate flying saucers from a secret location.  There are chases captures and escapes and 3 love stories. There is also a strong message about the earth and the environment.   117 pages - doc, format


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Don  -  February 16th, 2012, 3:23pm
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bert
Posted: February 14th, 2012, 11:07pm Report to Moderator
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Buy the ticket, take the ride

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You have some very odd things in this script, Sean, many of which do not belong.

This passage caught my eye:


Quoted from script
This film has lots of(PMO) Product Marketing Opportunities in it to help cover our film production cost.  Some of the (PMO) have already been sold and many others are still looking for their sponsor.


Then this:


Quoted from script
Everything in this script is based on today’s technology and everything in this film is real.


And then...just, wow:


Quoted from script
Our flying saucers are a real aircraft under construction now and will be available for filming. Powered by a Subaru J25 engine burning 4.3 gallons per hour.  They takeoff from land or water in 48ft at 18 MPH
The current top speed is 200 mph but will go faster in our film.
They can hover in place and land vertically or a very slow landing speed of 18mph stopping in 48 ft or less.  No runway required.


Please check in if you are around, Sean, and I will give you a few tips.  I am interested in your take on the story behind this script, but it is in dire need of a good scrubbing before you pass it around.


Hey, it's my tiny, little IMDb!
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Ryan1
Posted: February 14th, 2012, 11:54pm Report to Moderator
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Holy...jumpin...catfish.  I've read some opening pages before in my time, but nothing like this.  

Bert already pointed out some of the jaw droppers :
"Our flying saucers are a real aircraft under construction now and will be available for filming. Powered by a Subaru J25 engine burning 4.3 gallons per hour.  They takeoff from land or water in 48ft at 18 MPH
The current top speed is 200 mph but will go faster in our film.
They can hover in place and land vertically or a very slow landing speed of 18mph stopping in 48 ft or less.  No runway required."

Sean, if this part is true, forget about screenwriting and get to NASA immediately.  They need you.  The world needs you.  

I have to admit, I skipped to the end just to see how this story wrapped up, and was amazed to see you actually list your closing credits.  Listed right before "Black Elvis," you have "Woman at Party  -  Alison Arngrim."  I had to look this name up and discovered it's the actress who played Nellie Olesen on Little House on the Prairie.  Are you telling me you already have her attached to this project?  If so...that just makes this more awesome.
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CoopBazinga
Posted: February 15th, 2012, 10:25am Report to Moderator
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Hey Sean,

I was intrigued to take a look after reading the feedback and...wow! I have never come across a first page quite like yours, this script is definitely unique in its own way but unfortunately I found it very difficult to read the way it is.

Get some screenwriting software; you can download Celtx for free which I believe will be a big help. Also read some scripts and look at the way they are formatted to help you as well.

This looks like a shooting script and by the way you’re talking on the first page, you’re hoping to get this filmed?

Best of luck with it.

Steve
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Electric Dreamer
Posted: February 15th, 2012, 12:36pm Report to Moderator
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Taking a long vacation from the holidays.

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Quoted from Ryan1
Holy...jumpin...catfish.

I can't speak to their religious beliefs, but...
Watch out for that old lady!



All kidding aside.
Welcome aboard, Sean!

This is a great site to lean about screenwriting.
Check out some scripts from the Top 20 crew in the forums.
You're likely to find some fine work from active contributing members.

Regards,
E.D.



LATEST NEWS

CineVita Films
is producing a short based on my new feature!

A list of my scripts can be found here.
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Dreamscale
Posted: February 15th, 2012, 1:22pm Report to Moderator
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Wow!

Sean, looks like you've got alot of work ahead of you, with the filming and production of this feature.  Good to hear you have many of your PMO's in place already, as this appears to be $50 Million+ production.

It's also very nice to see you've already got Alison Arngrim attached in the high profile role of "women at the party" - does this mean she's going to be playing duel roles, wearing different costumes and even wigs, maybe?

OK, seriously, Sean, no one means any offense here.  Looks like you've spent alot of time and effort on this and it's jam packed with very creative thinking, which is great.  The downside(s) are numerous, however.

First and foremost, you're going to want and need to get your hands on some screenwriting software, which will help in so many ways.  Celtx is free and a good place to start.

Secondly, you're going to need to either do some serious editing, or get someone else to do some for you, as the amount of obvious, simple mistakes is appalling.

Checking out as many actual scripts never hurts, and while you're at it, you should get your hands on all the screenwriting info you can, from free web based info, to best selling books by the screenwriting gurus.

You've found a great place to both learn about screenwriting and meet writers like yourself from all over the world.  Read scripts and provide feedback, as it's a Quid Pro Quo kind of world in here.  Get to know as many peeps as you can, and you'll see how much you can learn from (mostly) friendly, knowledgeable writers.

Best of luck with this and your writing going forward.
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coldbug
Posted: February 24th, 2012, 3:55pm Report to Moderator
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This is definetely not a spec script, and not a shooting script either.  Kind of interwined.

I am learning something new, and seeing something different every day.  So, this is just one of the different kind of scripts I come across.  
To a writer to writer, it's best to tell you to keep your chin up Sean.  And, grab a 2 gaL water container with full of water because you have a long road to go.  With some major fixes, you will be able to repost this in no time.

Things to fix:  

1. Synopsis (it should never be in a script)
2. Description about flying saucers (do that in the script..but don't say "Our flying saucers..." )  
3.  Stage settings/ Camera usage/ Sound recording levels/etc.. are NOT your job to write or even to concern..just like mentioned above by someone unless you are the director/producer.  Are you?  If you are, please stop reading my post, and accept my apologies.
4.  Casting for characters/ List of weapon discriptions/ Sets are not suppose to be in a spec.script.  Wait!  Is this a shooting script?
5.  Descriptions are way too long.  5 lines is maximum.  It will make the readers click that little red cross button to top right corner of the computer screen.

Try to read as many scripts that are produced as you can in two months, and rewrite.  
Good luck!  



  


A lie has traveled around the world while the truth is putting the shoes on.
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