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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Short Scripts  ›  Lynch. The Messenger Moderators: bert
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  Author    Lynch. The Messenger  (currently 603 views)
Posted: April 1st, 2012, 6:32pm Report to Moderator

So, what are you writing?

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Lynch. The Messenger by Kyle Jones - Short, Comedy - A celebrity psychic who has conned millions is hit hard by karma when he finally starts seeing ghosts in his everyday life. 29 pages - pdf, format

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Posted: April 6th, 2012, 4:39pm Report to Moderator
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Let The Sky Fall

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Hello Kyle - I didn't get very far with this.

There did seem to be some atmosphere that's you've captured, but I wasn't too sure about the formatting and the grammar - both of these had issues, and it kept drawing away from the script.

There's a of of direction here, numerous 'we's', and you seem to have a strange relationship with CAPS.

Some of the dialogue I really like - quick and short, didn't reveal everything, kept me interested.

If you could clean up areas of this, maybe it'd make for a good read?

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