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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Screenwriting Discussion    Screenwriting Class  ›  Potentials - partially produced Moderators: George Willson
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  Author    Potentials - partially produced  (currently 1323 views)
Pii
Posted: April 18th, 2012, 5:27am Report to Moderator
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Some of you might've read my thread about being produced without permission. Well, the dispute has been amicably settled and I thought I'd share the results.

There has been major rewrites to this, which I wasn't involved in or consulted about. Regardless, the vast majority of material is indeed written by myself. If you're interested, you can compare the differences by reading my latest draft of the script here.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hoiqt2MXWUU



The act of writing is a quest to put a hundred thousand words to a cunning order.
- Douglas Adams
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Videoteq
Posted: April 18th, 2012, 8:59am Report to Moderator
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The Rip Van Winkle tale brought up to date! I really enjoyed this little short - kept me guessing. Good acting too and nice camera work. It says at the end "...to be continued" so what happens next?

Are you (henrik) writing the next part?

From the logic point of view it's full of holes of course, but that didn't stop it being very entertaining, so well done to everyone involved, and a special prize for henrik for writing it. (I'll go and read the original script now)

Rob


Robert F
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Videoteq
Posted: April 18th, 2012, 9:11am Report to Moderator
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To see is to hear what you smell with your eyes

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Reading the original script now. The short is English (England), whereas your script is US English.

There's a ton more in the script which wasn't filmed and I'd love to see it done as it's so good. If it ever is (filmed in England) you'll have to translate it into English English.

I'd replace the line

"Shut up you old hag! What is it
with you? I'm not allowed to have
fun just because you can't?"

with "Sod off - get a life" as being more in character with a very drunken Julia.

Very good effort henrik.

Rob

PS Just been to your website - naturally can't understand a word of it! But, the video CV won't play - it says Playback error #2116 I'm using Firefox



Robert F

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Videoteq  -  April 18th, 2012, 9:25am
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Electric Dreamer
Posted: April 18th, 2012, 9:21am Report to Moderator
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Hey Henrik,

All things considered, this turned out pretty good.
Outside of some lighting issues, it flows fairly well.
The guy needs to put some pictures on those white walls.
I watched the short before reading the script...
And I liked the changes in the film.

The Man didn't do it for me in the script.
I liked focusing on the girl and her confusion better...
Not to mention it saves money and time by eliminating that character.

So, congrats on the end result.
Does the director plan to continue the project?

Regards,
E.D.


LATEST NEWS

CineVita Films
is producing a short based on my new feature!

A list of my scripts can be found here.
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M.Alexander
Posted: April 18th, 2012, 9:51am Report to Moderator
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Good soundtrack.
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Videoteq
Posted: April 18th, 2012, 1:13pm Report to Moderator
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To see is to hear what you smell with your eyes

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According to YouTube the video was produced by a 3rd year student at the University of Nottingham (where Robin Hood came from......)

He's done a good job.


Robert F
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Baltis.
Posted: April 18th, 2012, 1:36pm Report to Moderator
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Seems a lot like my life on ambien... Wake up to a slew of implausible shit that was created during the transition.  
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pale yellow
Posted: April 18th, 2012, 4:33pm Report to Moderator
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I really liked it...At least they did a pretty good job with it.


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rc1107
Posted: April 20th, 2012, 8:27am Report to Moderator
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Hey Henrik.

It sucks he didn't ask you permission, but at least all that is smoothed out now it seems.

I got to say, I think he did a really good job with it.  I read both the script and watched the video, and I understand why it's to be continued now.  The director probably got stuck where to go next, or didn't have the funds or locations to do the rest of the script, or he has another idea for where to take the story. (e.g.: she has a black baby now.)  (I loved that part by the way.)

I found the story really interesting, though.  I definately would've kept watching to see where the story went.


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Pii
Posted: April 20th, 2012, 2:22pm Report to Moderator
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Glad to hear you guys seem to like both the video and the script. Unfortunately the film will not continue. The director said that this was just to illustrate a point for a class and that he's done with the project. I'm a bit disappointed as well as it was a relatively competent production and I would've liked to help them write the continuation.

Having said that, there are problems with it that bother me quite a lot. I don't think they did the transformation between the "realities" too well. The house should've been a lot more different. A couple of toys and the cards don't really sell it for me. And why on earth is she sleeping on the sofa in her own house. Some of the added dialogue is really hokey and the sound mix is off at places although I do like the music a lot as well.

Rob - Since I'm not a native speaker, my usage of US and English spelling and wordings can fluctuate pretty wildly. This short has also been commissioned for production several times all around the world as well which has mangled the localization even more. I'll have to pay attention to it more in the future.

As for the website, I'm working on an English version of it, but it's pretty low in my list of priorities at the moment. I don't know why the video is broken, but I'm updating it with a proper director and production crew in the very near future.


The act of writing is a quest to put a hundred thousand words to a cunning order.
- Douglas Adams
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Videoteq
Posted: April 20th, 2012, 4:25pm Report to Moderator
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Hey Henrik - your written English is absolutely top notch, and infinitely better than my Finnish!!

If you ever need help "translating" to English (England) I'm always happy to help.


Robert F
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Pii
Posted: April 20th, 2012, 6:24pm Report to Moderator
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I have been looking for someone to act as my "native language supervision" to go over my stuff and edit it for spelling and especially grammar. But it's a pretty crappy job and I can't pay for it, so it's no wonder that I haven't found anyone.


The act of writing is a quest to put a hundred thousand words to a cunning order.
- Douglas Adams
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Jennifer
Posted: April 20th, 2012, 6:36pm Report to Moderator
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Dang. I'm Chinese and they block youtube here.
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Videoteq
Posted: April 21st, 2012, 4:48am Report to Moderator
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To see is to hear what you smell with your eyes

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"I have been looking for someone to act as my "native language supervision" to go over my stuff and edit it for spelling and especially grammar. But it's a pretty crappy job and I can't pay for it, so it's no wonder that I haven't found anyone."

Henrik - I won't charge you - my payment would be in seeing how to write proper screenplays. Let me know when you want to send one over!

Rob
PS I'm not an English teacher or anything, just an average Joe.


Robert F
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