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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Action/Adventure Scripts  ›  Fleet Week Moderators: bert
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  Author    Fleet Week  (currently 1247 views)
Don
Posted: April 26th, 2012, 5:37am Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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Fleet Week by David Redstone - Action, Adventure - A Midwestern graduate student accompanies her fiancé to Southern California for a brief stint of relaxation.  Instead, she is whisked from the deck of a chartered yacht and forced to embark upon an odyssey of steel-enclosed, high-speed terror.  Her Navy SEAL uncle and his mysterious partner attempt rescues, yet find themselves swept into a hurtling collision between the worlds of Topsiders and ‘Neathers. 111 pages - pdf, format


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ottercat
Posted: April 26th, 2012, 11:08am Report to Moderator
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Dave,

I read to page 30. I liked the title of the scrip (that's the reason i looked through it).

The logline seems a bit long. Look at:  http://www.crackingyarns.com  it talks about writing a 27 word log line.

I like comedy's. I tought I'd give this a try because of the title. It seems a bit slow for me. I liked the road head but other then that, I was a little bored for the first 30 pages. But then again I'm use to comedys. Maybe if the take over happend earlier then I'd like it.

Hope this helps. I just think it should happen faster (the take over).

Otter
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dredstone
Posted: May 20th, 2012, 5:39pm Report to Moderator
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Cool beans, Red.  True - comedies are much more of a bang-bang-go type of screenplay and so if that's your forte, Fleet Week can appear to proceed in a more stately fashion.  This one requires setup or it could end up a meaningless jumble.  Lots of new concepts, images.  But it's big-time action if you stick with it

I've uploaded a bawdy comedy feature-lengther called Aphrodite Terra, that may be more in your wheelhouse.

Take care, Dave
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