SimplyScripts Discussion Board
Blog Home - Produced Movie Script Library - TV Scripts - Unproduced Scripts - Contact - Site Map
ScriptSearch
Welcome, Guest.
It is September 20th, 2019, 12:06pm
Please login or register.
Was Portal Recent Posts Home Help Calendar Search Register Login
If you wish to join this discussion board, please send me a message. Please do read the guidelines that govern behavior on the discussion board. It will make for a much more pleasant experience for everyone. A word about SimplyScripts and Censorship


Scripts Studios are posting for award consideration
The August/September Challenge has begun!

Short Script of the Day | Featured Script of the Month | Featured Short Scripts Available for Production | Submit Your Script

How do I get my film's link and banner here?
All screenplays on the simplyscripts.com and simplyscripts.net domain are copyrighted to their respective authors. All rights reserved. This screenplaymay not be used or reproduced for any purpose including educational purposes without the expressed written permission of the author.
Forum Login
Username: Create a new Account
Password:     Forgot Password

SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Short Scripts  ›  Underneath the Vessel Moderators: bert
Users Browsing Forum
No Members and 1 Guests

 Pages: 1
Recommend Print
  Author    Underneath the Vessel  (currently 4008 views)
Don
Posted: July 21st, 2012, 5:31pm Report to Moderator
Administrator
Administrator


So, what are you writing?

Location
Virginia
Posts
13273
Posts Per Day
1.95
Underneath the Vessel by Gage Eggleston (AsteroidJuice) - Short, Surreal - What does it mean to you? 4 pages - pdf, format


Visit SimplyScripts.com for what is new on the site.


-------------
You will miss 100% of the shots you don't take.
- Wayne Gretzky
Logged
Site Private Message
danbotha
Posted: July 22nd, 2012, 1:02am Report to Moderator
Regular



Location
Invercargill, New Zealand
Posts
723
Posts Per Day
0.27
Gage,

Great to see some more work from you. I'm fond of the way you write, when I can understand what is going on.

The log-line was a bit vague, but I'm guessing that's what you want. You want us to interpret this in our own ways, which is where my main problem with the script comes in... I have no idea what to take from the script.

TBH, it's weird. That's all I can say, really. I don't know, maybe it's a little advanced for me, but I've read over this script many times and still I don't get it. Would you mind explaining?

Sorry I didn't understand, mate.
Daniel


Logged
Private Message Reply: 1 - 12
Reef Dreamer
Posted: July 22nd, 2012, 4:31am Report to Moderator
Old Timer


where's my simply scripts thong?

Location
The Island of Jersey
Posts
2526
Posts Per Day
0.85
Hey aj,

Had a quick read and thankfully it was short.

I quite like it when writers go off in a weird direction but, a bit like modern art, only if I get something out of it. It's a personal choice thing.

With this is can't say I got much out of it but it did challenge me in terms of what visuals I was seeing. If I had to guess I would see a parallel with the mushroom as earth, the spiders as nature/life around and humans as ...err... humans. The message being there's a connection between all three. As for the other animals, which weren't described so I had no visual reference, not sure.

It would be a challenge to produce !


My scripts  HERE

The Elevator Belonging To Alice - Semi Final Bluecat, Runner Up Nashville
Inner Journey - Page Awards Finalist - Bluecat semi final
Grieving Spell - winner - London Film Awards.  Third - Honolulu
Ultimate Weapon - Fresh Voices - second place
IMDb link... http://www.imdb.com/name/nm7062725/?ref_=tt_ov_wr
Logged
Private Message Reply: 2 - 12
stevemiles
Posted: July 22nd, 2012, 5:08am Report to Moderator
Regular



Posts
680
Posts Per Day
0.22
Nicely written with interesting visuals -- way too decaffeinated right now to wrap my head around it -- but I ended up feeling like this would work as an animated music video.  Not sure for whom -- Bjork perhaps..  

Steve.


My short scripts can be found here on my new & improved budget website:


http://stevemiles80.wixsite.com/sjmilesscripts
Logged
Site Private Message Reply: 3 - 12
alffy
Posted: July 22nd, 2012, 10:29am Report to Moderator
Old Timer



Location
The bleak North East, England
Posts
2299
Posts Per Day
0.47
Gage, I've read a few scripts like this on Simply, the ones that are quite vague and leave the reader to interpret the meaning.

Personally, I prefer a script to tell me a definitive story and this doesn't really.  I'm guessing the moral is that if the Spiders and Humans worked together they would have survived...but then you threw in a spanner by suggesting the spiders are born from the dead humans?

I'm torn with this.  Some good visuals but I wasn't thrilled by the story, sorry.


Check out my scripts...if you want to, no pressure.

You can find my scripts here
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 4 - 12
Dreamscale
Posted: July 22nd, 2012, 10:50am Report to Moderator
Of The Ancients


Yes, that is my real hair...

Location
Cave Creek, AZ
Posts
11033
Posts Per Day
2.56
I wouldn't be surprised if a few shrooms were ingested before writing this.

Gage, not sure what to say, but that's obviously what you're after with a piece like this.

It does not make any sense to me.  The visuals themselves are the problem here, IMO, because they're really not very visual.  You've got these "creatures" yet we have no clue what they are or look like.

Slug use was a real mess for me.  You covered the gambit of full, hybrid, and mini.

No characters, no dialogue, not nothing, really.

Sorry, but this ain't for me.


To ski or not to ski...that's not even a question.
Logged
Private Message Reply: 5 - 12
Gage
Posted: July 22nd, 2012, 11:39pm Report to Moderator
Been around a while



Posts
228
Posts Per Day
0.08
Hey guys,

Thanks for the reads.  To be honest I was pretty hesitant to put this on here, and in retrospect I probably shouldn't have.

I recently started progress on my first feature script, but before I did that I just wanted to write something really short and vague, something that came to me and I wrote it down -- automatic writing.

I just wrote what happened in my mind, and looked at it later and found a lot of meaning in it for me, personally.

I'm sure this belongs somewhere (some artsy-fartsy forum, perhaps) but probably not here.  I really just wanted to know how others interpreted it.  I might take it down.

Thanks,
Gage


Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 6 - 12
nawazm11
Posted: July 23rd, 2012, 12:26am Report to Moderator
Regular



Posts
979
Posts Per Day
0.34
Hey, Gage.

I love anything surreal so I guess I'll have to skip my shrooms today and read this instead. Just kidding of course.

TBH, I can't say this was good because honestly, there are better scripts to read out there. I'm not saying it's bad though as I could see what you were aiming for.

The script didn't do much for me, I think you were going for some kind of never ending cycle type story? It didn't work to well if that's the case but I thought it was a decent little tale.

Hope your feature goes well.
Logged
Private Message Reply: 7 - 12
CoopBazinga
Posted: July 25th, 2012, 3:18am Report to Moderator
Old Timer



Location
Perth, Australia
Posts
1223
Posts Per Day
0.43
Hey Gage,

Sorry but I'm going to sound like a broken record, mate. I have absolutely no idea what I just read "vague" is an understatement here. Mushrooms, spiders, little men with axes and a creature. This one was lost on me but I'm not known for being a clever person who finds subtle hints in stories...I probably just missed what this was all about.

On the bright side, I thought the writing was good but the story just wasn't for me.

Wish you all the best with your feature.

Good luck and keep writing.

Steve

P.S It's also good to see this story brought Mo out from the shadows to review a script.
Logged
Private Message Reply: 8 - 12
DV44
Posted: August 13th, 2012, 8:33pm Report to Moderator
Regular



Location
California
Posts
528
Posts Per Day
0.20
Hey Gage - Loved it. You're not a lost long member of The Doors are you? That has Jim Morrison written all over it. One thing though, I wish you could have showed us what the creatures looked like. Solid writing - keep it up man!   Dirk
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 9 - 12
pale yellow
Posted: August 13th, 2012, 9:00pm Report to Moderator
Old Timer



Location
Jacksonville FL
Posts
2143
Posts Per Day
0.75
Hey ...

I liked this ok. Not so much with the tiny men though near the end. I could see this being filmed like animated. I've seen shorts similar to this animated at indy theaters. In the one I saw, the mushroom ate the child at the end! LOL So I dig these lil poetic pieces.

The creature needed some kinda face imo. Anything...even if it was a weirdo beetle or something...

It's an artsy piece and I like it  for just that.


Logged
Private Message Reply: 10 - 12
oJOHNNYoNUTSo
Posted: August 14th, 2012, 9:26pm Report to Moderator
Regular



Posts
849
Posts Per Day
0.32
As a began to read, I approached the visuals with quite a bit of thought. As soon as the tiny man was introduced, my imagination felt liberated from the page. Sure this piece is open to interpretation, its very creative.  I hope you don't mind if I save it before you tear it down! Hahaha
Logged
Private Message Reply: 11 - 12
DarrylLuster
Posted: March 15th, 2013, 11:32am Report to Moderator
New-ish


Posts
44
Posts Per Day
0.02


Cage,

You have somewhat of a disney fantasy, When a tiny man appears in the muschroom, But yet violent massacre slayings mixed in the story. However, Causing the story to take another turn in the spine.

It raises a question.  What if an army of tiny men invades and slaughter and army of spiders,  Then another unknown army of creatures come from out of the blue and invades and slaughters the army of tiny men.

Then it will make us think. What type of would be more powerful and aggressive than men on earth? What type of creature could destroy mankind and leave nothing except mans on carcass there laying on the ground surface and then suddenly, A spider resume from his body.

I have this question, Are the Family of creatures are the same as the small creature who dug the hole earlier.

I would have to say, That the Family of creatures are that Mans own giant footprint.

But you know that it is early spring. And they say, Spring's eternal for the human race.

I like your story very very much. Because it's all about Spring time.  

  
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 12 - 12
 Pages: 1
Recommend Print

Locked Board Board Index    Short Scripts  [ previous | next ] Switch to:
Was Portal Recent Posts Home Help Calendar Search Register Login

Forum Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post polls
You may not post attachments
HTML is on
Blah Code is on
Smilies are on


Powered by E-Blah Platinum 9.71B © 2001-2006