SimplyScripts Discussion Board
Blog Home - Produced Movie Script Library - TV Scripts - Unproduced Scripts - Contact - Site Map
ScriptSearch
Welcome, Guest.
It is March 28th, 2024, 12:24pm
Please login or register.
Was Portal Recent Posts Home Help Calendar Search Register Login
Please do read the guidelines that govern behavior on the discussion board. It will make for a much more pleasant experience for everyone. A word about SimplyScripts and Censorship


Produced Script Database (Updated!)
One Week Challenge - Who Wrote What and Writers' Choice.


Scripts studios are posting for award consideration

Short Script of the Day | Featured Script of the Month | Featured Short Scripts Available for Production
Submit Your Script

How do I get my film's link and banner here?
All screenplays on the simplyscripts.com and simplyscripts.net domain are copyrighted to their respective authors. All rights reserved. This screenplaymay not be used or reproduced for any purpose including educational purposes without the expressed written permission of the author.
Forum Login
Username: Create a new Account
Password:     Forgot Password

SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Horror Scripts  ›  Sin Once, Sin Twice Moderators: bert
Users Browsing Forum
No Members and 5 Guests

 Pages: 1
Recommend Print
  Author    Sin Once, Sin Twice  (currently 2665 views)
Don
Posted: August 3rd, 2012, 9:15pm Report to Moderator
Administrator
Administrator


So, what are you writing?

Location
Virginia
Posts
16381
Posts Per Day
1.94
Sin Once, Sin Twice by Darryl Wilkerson Jr. - Horror - The year is "1862",The Cussmount Plantation,in South Carolina,where a beautiful young woman and her newborn daughter,were killed by her brutal,jealous husband. Now one hundred and thirty seven years later,the undead young women,seeks revenge against the present day "Cussmount "family members,that destroy her life. 109 pages - pdf, format


Visit SimplyScripts.com for what is new on the site.

-------------
You will miss 100% of the shots you don't take.
- Wayne Gretzky
Logged Offline
Site Private Message
M.Alexander
Posted: August 3rd, 2012, 10:10pm Report to Moderator
New


Posts
252
Posts Per Day
0.06
Darryl, you seem to be confused on usage of the comma.  Hope this helps.

http://grammar.ccc.commnet.edu/grammar/commas.htm

http://www.scripttoolbox.com/

Revision History (1 edits)
M.Alexander  -  August 3rd, 2012, 10:34pm
Logged
Private Message Reply: 1 - 4
thenextscott
Posted: August 5th, 2012, 10:15pm Report to Moderator
New


Posts
10
Posts Per Day
0.00
Using specific scenes in a flashback is fine, but when doing so, use EXT. INT. to separate characters. When I was reading the script, I noticed how the view magically went back to wife and husband. If that was the intention you could have used a small heading such as...

INT. FLASHBACK - CUSSMONT PLANTATION - SUMMER 1862 - DAY

Never use slashes between words, use hyphens, it is more neat and tidy that way.

Now for the magical way the scene moves from husband to wife, use something like this....

The view flips from husband to wife with each push she makes.

This way, the reader knows that the scene is moving from husband to wife in the buildup of her delivery. Using words such as sitting in a scene like in the burial of the great great grandfather could be changed to... The weldon family sit in the front row as the priest gives his sermon in a placcid and calm manner.
I was always told present tense in any scene is important. Yet using some aspects of past tense can be used for some ingredients. I did like this story though, very thought out, well adapted for the history aspect which invades the present. Not a lot of movies like that except from candyman. A prime example of old world style plantation stories with skeletons in the closets. Right now I also submitted my script which is called Necromancer. Look for it. But a warning though, it is an epic, which means it is over three hours long, (192) pages. So if you like to read, then please I would like your input to see how you enjoyed it.
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 2 - 4
Dreamscale
Posted: August 6th, 2012, 10:00am Report to Moderator
Guest User



Howdy, Darryl...is it Jr or Sr.?  Your log says Jr. but your title page shows Sr.  Interesting...maybe a collab between father and son?

Hey, listen, man...sorry, but lots and lots of big problems going on everywhere.  Your logline is a real mess and as another poster mentioned, you don't seem to know how to use a comma or quotation marks, which is a major problem.

Getting to the actual script, we're immediately assaulted by a completely incorrect Slug, a 5 line passage, an orphan, passive writing, terrible grammar and punctuation, unfilmable asides, and incorrect technical screenwriting writing.

This is all in your opening passage and Slug.

You need to understand that you can't technically start with a Flashback, because you have to understand...what are you flashing back from if you haven't started the script yet?  Also, using a date in a Slug does nothing, because it does not transfer to film.  You'd need a SUPER to show the date.

Then we have dialogue from a character we haven't seen yet and the dialogue exchange is painfully on the nose.

Much of the scene takes place outside of the Slug heading.  It's really just a mess, I'm sorry to say.

You need to read and comment on scripts in here and get to know some peeps.  It's a great place to learn, but you do need to do your share in this Quid Pro Quo world.

Never say die, though.  You'll understand your mistakes in no time and you just need to keep pushing forward.
Logged
e-mail Reply: 3 - 4
write_stuff
Posted: August 19th, 2012, 8:13pm Report to Moderator
Guest User



hi there, i just tried to read your script but the very first line of description is sort of non-standard. the rest is likely far better, but i can't get past that very early misstep. i'll give you more after your rewrite.
Logged
e-mail Reply: 4 - 4
 Pages: 1
Recommend Print

Locked Board Board Index    Horror Scripts  [ previous | next ] Switch to:
Was Portal Recent Posts Home Help Calendar Search Register Login

Forum Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post polls
You may not post attachments
HTML is on
Blah Code is on
Smilies are on


Powered by E-Blah Platinum 9.71B © 2001-2006