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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Short Scripts  ›  The Photographer Moderators: bert
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Don
Posted: October 10th, 2012, 6:41pm Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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The Photographer by Paul Cooper - Short - A frustrated gardener struggles to understand why his family are accomodating an unusual guest. 9 pages - pdf, format


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Forgive
Posted: October 14th, 2012, 7:19pm Report to Moderator
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Let The Sky Fall

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Sorry - doesn't work for me. Dialogue's off, and the action's written like a slow train crash, and when your legs break slowly they break all the more painfully. Not my cup of tea.
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Jeremiah Johnson
Posted: October 14th, 2012, 9:35pm Report to Moderator
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I tried.  I really did.  

First, it says it is a PDF, but it opened as a .doc file.  That scared me from the start!  I put aside the NUMEROUS and OBVIOUS mistakes with this and read it all the way through.  I did this to see what your story was about.  I usually give page by page notes as I go along, but that would mean I would comment on every single line in this.  I did read it though.  Strange little story.  I can tell you just thought of the story and just threw it down on paper (electronic).  

I think you should read this a couple of times, and then read through some of the short scripts on this site - especially the ones who have been around here a long time.  It is o.k. to put your thoughts to paper, but then rewrite, rewrite, rewrite, and then rewrite.  Then, maybe post it up here and get feedback.

Don't quit.  Learn formatting or get some formatting software (Celtx is free).  That will help some.  Again, read as many scripts on here as you can and then go back and fix this.  Not my kind of story, but keep at it.

Good luck.


My Scripts:
SHORTS
Bed Bugs
I Got The Shaft
No Clowning Around
Fool's Gold
Five Days for Redemption

TELEVISION
Father, Forgive Me
Sheriff of Nowhere
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Pale Yellow
Posted: October 15th, 2012, 7:29am Report to Moderator
January Project Group



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I really would like to see this if you rework it.

I tell myself everyday, read more, write less. Read some scripts on here and download formatting software like mentioned above.

Love the title though....I'm a photographer! So it drew me right in! Let us know if you rework it...I'll be glad to give it another try.
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